Last week I wrote about this topic and there was some interest in a further exploration. I think it is appropriate to post about this on a holiday (at least for those in the U.S.) because that is often a time when we can feel pressure to eat or drink, at parties or social events.
I remember growing up my extended family would often have a barbecue or picnic event, and everyone would be eating hot dogs (which we cooked on the grill or at the camp fire), potato chips and dip, potato salad, beans, etc. Then there would be dessert: cookies, bars, brownies, cake or pie, and sometimes ice cream as well. Thinking back to this makes me a little hungry now, actually…
There was always a little pressure to eat. Typically I ate 2 hot dogs on buns, my Grandma’s yummy potato salad, some beans. I saved room for dessert, which I always enjoyed (sweet tooth then & now). There was not necessarily pressure to eat a lot, but if you didn’t eat, someone would invariably ask why you didn’t try their dessert.
Probably three quarters of my family members would describe themselves as overweight. Not all of them are obese, but clearly we do not hold back very much when it comes to eating at social (family) events. Taking a second helping of a food is considered flattering to the cook, and so that can lead to additional pressure.
Isn’t it weird that people always prod you if you do not eat much, but they do not say anything if you are serving up vast quantities of food and shoveling them down? I mean, to me that is an indicator of discomfort, as I see it in myself, so it now makes me wonder what someone might be experiencing emotionally.
Food can be a way to bond and share experiences with people and I think this can be done in a healthy way, when nobody feels pressured to eat. I like to share a dessert sometimes with colleagues, when I want a little taste of something sweet, but I really don’t need a full dessert. “Going for coffee” in Latin America is a very common event, a chance to sit down and get to know someone, whether you drink coffee or not.
I realize I am still a little self-conscious about my eating habits when I am in a social setting. I am gradually learning to trust my hunger signals, and I stop when I am full rather than worrying about how much is socially acceptable to eat. I also try not to eat as much sugar and flour these days, as I find they create unnatural insulin spikes for me, and mess with my metabolism and brain chemistry.
It is getting less important to me to explain myself when these episodes occur, but I find it interesting that we still have to justify these choices. People ask if you are on a special diet, and then that topic comes up. Ugh, do I have to explain again?
I am curious about other cultural social norms that exist around food. Definitely Americans take everything to the extreme, and I think most other cultures take more time with their food, enjoy it more and obsess less about it. Perhaps we can learn to relax and see food as source of nourishment and pleasure. We can allow people to eat what they want, and not add to the social pressure.
May you enjoy the holiday (if you celebrate) and partake in the foods you enjoy, only in the quantities you want.
Cheers,
cristy@meximinnesotana.com
mexi minnesotana 
Very important post! I’ve struggled with overeating, particularly at gatherings for many years but for me it comes for a place of scarcity and emotional eating. Now I try ‘mindfulness’ whilst i’m eating just so I can really listen to my body and eat until i’m satisfied.
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Ash, it is definitely a work in progress for me. I think I find it easier when I eat alone to do this, and do not have the added issue of social pressure. But I am at least aware of how to listen to my body (more than when I was young) and honor its needs. Thanks for your comment.
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A great second part to your first post on this topic, Cristy. Your description of your family social gatherings really rings a bell. When I was little we would sometimes visit my maternal grandmother in Germany and the pressure to eat was ENORMOUS to the point that it was stressful. My older brother now lives in Germany and continues to visit her from time to time, but says he still has a lot of trouble when it comes to meals with her because she makes far too much then expects it all to be eaten. Just because he’s a naturally tall, slim man does not mean that his stomach doesn’t get full!! I really want to go back and visit, but I dread the day I have to sit down to a meal with that woman (especially given my dietary restrictions!).
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So interesting to hear your thoughts and experiences, Cristy (you’ve managed to pre-empt my next post but I suppose that’s bound to happen sometimes!). Your frustration about being asked if you’re on a “special diet” made me smile. Isn’t it funny how, if you’re not doing what everyone else is doing, and instead are just listening to your body about hunger and fullness and what feels good (i.e. eating normally) it’s considered unusual?
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Julie, it is because we are on the same wavelength! Our practices go against the grain for sure. To me it is sad that we do not teach this skill more effectively to more people.
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Absolutely we’re on the same wavelength and how lovely that is! It’s sad that the dreaded diet culture gets in the way of what should be one of the most natural processes in the world – listening to our bodies about when, what and how much we want to eat.
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Same with me when I was little girl: always last at the table 😉 bcz I didn’t eat that much…but it wasn’t allowed to leave until ur plate is empty 🙂
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I guess I can understand in a condition of scarcity why it would be important not to leave behind. But we live in places of abundance, where people are ill more often because of too much food rather than too little. So I guess we must work on changing our mindset. Do-able but it takes time.
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Agreed…but not sure if this is the #mindset of our “elite” lol those who actually rules & decides…
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