Category Archives: dreams

Hours fall off the clock

I may need to reinforce some limits around my writing time, allowing myself just an hour each day. At least while I am still working full time in clinical research. I can lose literally hours off the clock when I am researching or writing on a topic that interests me, and I get to play with words, ideas and stories.

This week I am at a regional work meeting in Belgium and I am called upon social with my colleagues. I enjoy the opportunity to meet 1:1 or in small groups and have face-to-face conversations with those I usually interact with via phone or email. However all of the initial small-talk required when meeting so many new people drains my energy.

It occurs to me that maybe my soul is asking for a more minimalist approach to work networking and people-time, and this is another reason I am bringing this current phase of work to a close by September.

melting clocks

One of my favorite Salvador Dali pieces – photo credit link

I feel at my best when I am doing “deep work” which involves thinking, reading, writing and synthesizing research. I still intend to make time for teaching, offering workshops and facilitating small group meetings. But my best ideas and most productive periods seem to emerge after periods of luxurious solitude and reflection.

This summer I am planning for 4-6 weeks off starting in August/September, if I can make it work between work “ventures.” Let’s see if I can honor that and keep the personal and family budget discipline it will require to make this break happen without undue stress.

I know if I declare this intention in writing, there is a higher likelihood I can make it happen. I am not as good at having accountability to others (it can sometimes cause me to rebel), but I tend to be better at honoring my word to myself.

What makes you lose hours off the clock? Do you have a creative practice or hobby that, when you start working on it, causes you to lose all track of time? 

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

 

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Wild vs domesticated

I have been thinking a lot about the exercises Martha Beck and Liz Gilbert asked of us on Saturday during our Celebrate Your Life Retreat this weekend.

I opted to skip the Sunday Q&A discussion after being peopled-out by the 611 women (and 4 men) attending the conference and the deep work we did as part of the workshops. We shared with each other some very personal things, those of us willing to be a little vulnerable.

What Liz and Martha asked of us was nothing less than the transformation of human consciousness. I wholeheartedly agree with their assessment. We cannot keep doing things the way they have always been done. It is killing our planet.

All this constant striving, ego, machismo and relentless activity are creating an unsustainable habitat for future generations. But before we run off trying to heal the planet, we need to heal ourselves. We need to realize that we are whole and that we are loved.

We need to get enough rest, enough healthy food and get enough PLAY in each our days. I think particularly for women we do not let ourselves have this time. We are conditioned and “domesticated” to be busy, to be caring for everyone, sometimes at a cost to ourselves. 

But when we do not allow for play, for natural curiosity, for that quality we had when we were younger, that fascination and wonder with the world, we all lose. For it is when we play, when we step away from the obligations and the chores and the everyday life that we realize our creative gifts. We re-energize our spirits.

So after a wonderful time Friday evening and all-day Saturday, I opted to “play” with my husband instead of attending the final 2 hour session. Part of me said: “hey, you signed up for this, and you want to get your money’s worth!”

But the bigger part of me, that divine intelligence that comes from my heart, wanted to enjoy the day with my husband. I wanted to process what I had learned, and integrate my learning into the bigger story of my life. I wanted to enjoy some togetherness and shared adventure that are so good for our relationships.

Sedona from cathedral

Sedona, Arizona. Taken April 8, 2018. Copyright mexi-minnesotana

 

So we went on a motorcycle journey to Sedona from Scottsdale. It was a long trip, along the back roads in the mountains, maybe 160-165 miles each way. For me ‘cycling more than 300 miles in a day, especially without “conditioning” for the season, is challenging! I’m not part of the “iron butt” crowd!

I followed my “wilder” and less domesticated instinct and the wisdom of my heart and have no regrets. I have studied Liz’ and Martha’s work and books for years. While some of the Q&A may have been informative, my soul was calling out for play, not for another morning in a ballroom away from the sunshine.

I am grateful to have such experiences and to have the luxury of the resources to plan such a vacation as this during what feels like a big transition in my life. I realize it reflects a lot of privilege to be able to nurture this side of myself, and I do not take it for granted.

But I believe that personal growth is an imperative, not a luxury. If we do not grow, we wither. If we do not honor the yearnings within us, our soul begins to die, even if our bodies still live. Many of us have learned this behaviors as a part of our culture, which is inherently conservative.

What got us here will not get us into the future unscathed. Caring and nurturing are done in the wild as well as in domestic settings. Women are good at it, so let us practice giving it to ourselves. Not only our own lives, but the lives of all those around us will benefit.

We return home today. My consciousness is raised, and the wild adventure has begun.

Wanting from a place of abundance

There is an exercise recommended by Brooke Castillo, who produces the Life Coach School podcast, on “wanting from abundance” that I tried this morning as I was considering a dream I had last night. That one went into my handwritten journal. Not ready to interpret that one for y’all yet.

When most people are asked what they want, they immediately jump to a list of what they lack. They start listing off things like a new car, maybe a different job, perhaps other things that the would put on their Christmas list.

But the exercise she has people do is to list 25 things they want, where more than half of those things are what they already have. I am sharing my list with you as an example:

  1. Time to write in the mornings (check)
  2. A caring and wonderful husband (check)
  3. Two cats (check)
  4. A dog (someday)
  5. Cozy place to live (check)
  6. A home of our own (someday)
  7. Time to camp and be outdoors this summer (check – planning on this)
  8. Personal laptop for writing (check)
  9. Enough money so I don’t worry about day-to-day necessities like food, utilities and clothing. (check)
  10. Health care coverage (check)
  11. Travel to the U.K.; travel to Spain (someday)
  12. Time planned with my hubby to do fun stuff (check – upcoming long weekend trip to Arizona 4 weeks from now)
  13. Work outside a corporate environment (someday)
  14. Opportunities to practice my Spanish (check)
  15. Ability to travel to other countries for work (check)
  16. Ability to express my ideas and connect with similarly-spirited people (check)
  17. Ability to sleep 8 hours every night without struggling with insomnia (work in progress)
  18. Live in a safe neighborhood (check)
  19. Access to good yoga classes (double check!)
  20. Close relationships with friends and family (want to put more time into this)
  21. More time to read (define more…)
  22. Healthy body (check)
  23. Plans for our summer vacation (work in progress)
  24. Clean air to breathe every day and clean water to drink (check)
  25. Ability to work from home on occasion (check)
  26. Enough money to pursue my creative passions instead of working full time at a corporation (work in progress)

Okay, that was more than 25. Once I got going, I started thinking of even more things. 16 out of the 26 are things I already have. Some are things I am working on, and a few I have an actual plan sketched out to get them.

What I really love about this exercise is that we want from ABUNDANCE instead of a scarcity mind-set. We acknowledge that many of the amazing things we already have in our lives are also things we want, things we are grateful for. Imagine if I took some things OFF this list! Goodness, realizing the abundance and privilege that allows me to live this glorious life makes me feel rich, fortunate and happy.

When you think about what you want today, consider the things you already have that make your life splendid. Consider not just on what you want someday, but what you want (and have) today. Your entire energy and vibration will change. And perhaps you will start to attract possibilities, opportunities and ideas to add a few of those items from the list that you do not yet have.

Cheers & happy Friday!

 

 

Subconscious work – money dream

I am late to get this blog post started this morning because I had a wild dream last night and I was capturing it before it was lost into my handwritten journal.

The night before last I had insomnia and only slept ~90 minutes. Last night I had a most juicy night of sleep, 10.5 hours. Of course, nights when I sleep deeply and well I tend to dream. Since dreams are a way that our subconscious works and processes what we are struggling with in our waking lives, sometimes they hold interesting keys when we remember them and interpret them. 

Or at least that’s what I am telling myself. I had a therapist once who wanted me to write down my dreams and tell her about them. She was a little “kooky” – there is no other way to describe her. But I think I got something from our 6 months of work together. The dream work kind of creeped me out though, and I never agreed with her interpretations, which were probably more about her than about me.

This particular dream had to do with a friend who entrusted me to give away some money to a list of people, mutual friends. At one point I questioned him (he was somehow there, and yet gone in the dream, perhaps deceased, but appearing to me in spirit…?) about why he had chosen ME for this particular task. It was hard, I told him. Some of these people I am no longer in contact with; why did he ask ME to do this thing?

Of all the people he knew, I was the only one he trusted to do the right thing with the money. If somehow a friend could not be located there was a charitable organization he had listed that would get the remainder of the money. (Let’s set aside the weird portion that I cannot understand at this point – the money was all in Russian currency).

This is really interesting and ironic to me, because I’ve been working on my “money dream” as part of my coaching work. One thing I have struggled with is my own self-trust when it comes to money. I want to take care of it well, and do things for my long-term well-being (and my husband’s) when it comes to money. And yet I do not entirely trust myself, since I have made some big mistakes in the past.

What this dream seemed to offer me was an affirmation. “You’re the only one I trust to do the right thing,” this friend said to me. When I consider that, in light of the doubts I have had about money, I am choosing to interpret this to mean I can trust myself when it comes to these decisions. Even though I have made some mistakes, I am learning from them. I am being much more open with my husband about my worries, fears and doubts, and we are working our way through these big decisions together.

I feel oddly comforted by this interpretation, and by its effect on my body in releasing stress. I can trust myself. I have learned from the past. I will do the right thing. Ahhh.

Does interpreting dreams ever do this for you? Does it bring you some comfort with an issue that’s been plaguing you? 

 

 

 

Focus vs exploring options

I am preparing for a session with my coach this morning and slept in an hour more than usual. Sometimes when my body needs it, I just allow it to rest. After last week’s travel, and disrupted sleep schedule, it has been lovely to have 4 nights in a row of 8-10 hours of sleep.

But of course, my writing time is a little cut short for the morning, so I sit, brainstorming what I most care to say. I went back and read a bunch of previous posts, scanning the “data” for trends, themes. Then I considered my worries about the upcoming coaching session. I turned in my homework only 5 minutes before the deadline this time, not a half day in advance like last time.

I wondered about all the resistance, and the fact that committing dreams or goals to paper makes me feel some pressure about it. I asked my husband last night about what he wanted to be when he grew up (at age 5-6) and he wanted to be a farmer like his grandfather. But then his family moved, and the farming industry changed. I reflected on my own memories of being asked that question.

I typically had a long list of all the things I wanted to do someday. But I remember being disappointed with someone who laughed at me kindly and told me I could not do ALL of those things. I would have to pick one, maybe two. What?!? I was sad that I would have to choose and I wanted to keep all doors open.

Back in the day, in our parents era, that was the norm: to choose one main career goal and to stick to that choice for 30+ years. Pension plans were built on that principle. To move around too much was flaky, seen as irresponsible and perhaps self-indulgent.

I had an active imagination and knew that everyone in my family were teachers, and that I also considered that a possibility, but did not want to limit myself. Fortunately the world has changed, and people seldom have just one career. The possibilities now seem limitless, but that does not mean we can have all our choices all at once.

Now that I am getting older, I recognize the value of making a career choice for one particular period of time (say, a decade) and fully embracing that choice, allowing ourselves to go deep into that field of endeavor, really to learn it well. Any area where we practice extensively and develop a body of knowledge is a place we can make a contribution.

But then there comes a time when some of us (and maybe this is my a.d.d. talking, or just my curiosity about other fields and the roads not taken) long for a transition to something new. I had hoped to get into the “Entrepreneurs in Residence” program at my company but found out yesterday that I will not advance to the interview round. I was a bit disappointed, but strangely felt relieved as well.

Working for a very large corporation for nearly 11 years, this era is coming to a close for me. I long for more freedom and less bureaucracy than this setting can deliver. I long for more innovation and less forms to fill out in order to get work accomplished. But that specific direction has yet to solidify for me.

Perhaps it has been a long time since I worked toward a particular dream or goal. I did dream of becoming a manager, and I achieved that dream. I dreamed of travel and work where I would get to do that much more often, and I achieved that dream as well. So in a sense, I have accomplished some of the goals that I had for myself, definitely not along the path I had expected.

I believe in staying open to opportunities, and saying yes to experiences where I might grow and learn. But now that I have achieved a certain level of success, I return to the question of where I want to focus. I long to figure out what contributions I most want to make, where I can provide the most value in the world.

This is a road we all travel, I realize. Perhaps making those choices and sticking to those decisions has been more challenging for me, or maybe I am operating on an old belief system that needs upgrading. In any case, I would love to hear from others that have made big career changes in their lives. What were your fears? How did you discover what you truly wanted? Were there ever times when you doubted your new direction?

Getting unstuck

Do you ever have times when some idea or dream emerges into your consciousness out from where it was hiding? You are surprised to find it there, buried in the soil of unconscious distractions and everyday life, and you gasp. Wow, have you been there all along? Why did I lose sight of you?

I have been working on my coaching homework while working here in Mexico this week. Yesterday I traveled to Guadalajara with some colleagues and I spent a good part of the day interacting in Spanish, my second language. I had good conversations, and made a few decisions that were important to advance the work in my department, and to bring some relief to an over-worked colleague.

At 8 p.m. I gracefully exited the people-interactions in the evening to get some time to myself. Then I wrote a big long email to my hubby with some thoughts on what had kept my brain churning on Tuesday night. Well, it’s always a confluence of factors, not usually one issue that does this to me. Somehow I tend to do this more when I travel than when I am at home.

Perhaps that is because in our regular and routine lives, we don’t necessarily give ourselves the space to “upset the apple cart” and think about bigger things. At home, there are always the domestic chores to complete, the bills to pay, the usual day-to-day concerns that seem to get in the way of really allowing ourselves to dream big.

Getting away can dislodge some of that detritus in the mind, clear away or at least temporarily suspend some of our resistance. It is our brain’s resistance to change that keeps us stuck sometimes, not any actual real danger or threat.

Yesterday I spent a good portion of the day with one of my direct reports, a colleague who reminds me a little of my younger self. She is a hard-worker, very conscientious and a bit anxious too. Over coffee and quesadillas we told stories and got to know one another better, and I coached her on a couple of points I thought may help her confidence.

It occurred to me later that I was preaching what I try to practice: an awareness that our thoughts and beliefs are not real. They are just sentences in the mind, and sometimes we have “loops” that we play on auto-pilot, old ideas that actually no longer serve us.

When we step outside those thoughts, and realize we have the power to change them, and therefore create a new reality, it can feel threatening. Letting go of these worn-out ways of thinking requires us to step into the unfamiliar. Eventually, we may surprise and delight ourselves with our accomplishments. But for now, our primitive brain urges us to crawl back into the cave, stay safely ensconced in our old beliefs. They are what kept us safe in the past, and so that is evidence enough to keep re-running them.

So in getting unstuck, we must get comfortable with some discomfort. This reminds me of the experience I had years ago when training for a marathon (2011). That’s what the training plan is about – you must get used to those feelings of fatigue and those thoughts of wanting to quit in the last few miles.

You can become comfortable with discomfort. And then in a couple more miles you notice: the feeling has passed and you are fine again. This is how yin yoga is for me as well – stay in a slightly edgy position for several minutes, and you notice how every feeling is just a vibration in the body. Rather than fixed and stationary, these vibrations are dynamic and ever-changing.

That is how I would describe my personal explorations now. As I begin to dream again, I begin to see my life differently. As I get unstuck, the discomfort of change comes up and admonishes me to go back into the cave. But this time, I will venture out. My soul beckons for something more, some evolution to the next version of myself. While my ego may beg for protection, and whine about the unfamiliar, my soul knows better.

I am ready to dream again.

You Must Be Dreaming

The title of today’s blog is the chapter title from the book Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love your Life by Lauren Handel Zander. As some of you know, I have embarked on a 6-month coaching engagement with the Handel Group, and I am going to be brave and share some of the “resistance” that is coming up for me right now.

Maybe you will have some advice for me. I am not sure. Maybe writing about my resistance to dreaming will help me get through the obstacles that my mind is constructing against the goal.

My first assignment was quite lengthy, a short bio about myself (which was not short, I actually wrote 12 pages) and a chance to dream about 12 areas in my life. This included: self, body, love, spirituality, career, money, time, home, family, friends, fun & adventure and community & contribution.

After writing our dreams for these areas I needed to rate each area and then write out the current reality and to explain why we gave ourselves the current rating. Then I was asked to explain why I have not been able to realize the dream in that area of life so far.

This is not “easy” homework! I enjoyed writing the biography. That was fun, and I have been practicing my writing skills, so though it was quite a trip down memory lane, it felt good. Telling the story of our lives can be very revealing for a coach or therapist. Since we are the authors of our own lives, I am sure that someone reading can learn a lot about what we think about ourselves from reading the stories we tell.

The dreaming part was HARD for me! I started to do it and realized that I am pretty happy with my life overall, and that dreaming seemed indulgent. Shouldn’t I just be grateful for having more abundance in my life than most people in the world? Is it really okay to want more for myself?

I started the assignment, and then when back and read the areas the next day and realized those “dreams” I had written down did not really inspire me. It was much easier to write about where I am currently than it was to risk writing down my dreams. So I re-did that part of the homework a few days later and tried to dream bigger.

I believe that writing down our dreams, really imagining vividly what they look like, sound like, taste like and feel like can be a key to achieving them. Sometimes, as Martha Beck would say, it can be painful to dream. If it has been some time since we actively pursued our dream, we may feel sad or regretful about giving up on a dream.

Or I am finding that I  absorbed some lessons about dreaming that include: “Sometimes you can’t have what you want. You should be happy with what you have. Not everyone can have their dream. Some of us have to work for a living.”

During my first session, my coach picked one of my lower-rated areas and asked me to read my dream out loud. I did. It sounded lame. She asked if that really inspires me. No, not much. So my homework for the session (we meet every 2 weeks) is to re-write that dream for what I envision one year from now. It is supposed to give me goosebumps.

Since the topic is money, she asked me to include specific numbers. I need to also write where I am now, including specific numbers as well. I will talk with my husband about this topic as well, and align on responsibilities about money stuff.

Simple, right?

I wish!

The resistance that comes up for me is all about: shouldn’t I be working the career goal first? What if I work out a money dream and the career aspiration doesn’t follow? Since I make good money now, what if I paint myself into a corner regarding goals and then I don’t make the choices I want in my career? And if buying a home is in the one year goal, what if we do that, and then things don’t work out with my career change goal, and then we have a harder road in the future? What if? What if? What if?

See where my brain goes? Yikes. That’s what dreaming does for me.

do your homework

All those areas of resistance and fear come up. But I am going to stay with it. I am going to write out my money dream for a year out, and then respectfully listen but then ignore those voices for a bit. At least until I finish my homework.

Do you dream regularly? Do you write down your dreams for the future? Do they excite you? What gets in the way of dreaming up what your heart desires? I would love to hear what types of strategies you use to get past any resistance you may have to dreaming.