I have recently discovered some insightful books by Dani Shapiro. One is an audio book called Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity and Love. The other is called Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage. Dani Shapiro also has a podcast called Family Secrets, through which I have discovered some other beautiful authors as well.
So this week’s Saturday share is a quote that resonated with me from Hourglass.
Wow. Yes. Time is ever falling away. Be present to your life, as much as you can. And don’t take it too seriously. It’s only life, after all.
I went back into some entries from last year (Nov 2018) and found one I especially like so I’m posting it as a reminder to myself for this weekend. Hope you have a delightful Thanksgiving and a beautiful weekend!
‘Tis the season for me. I can feel it. Holidays approach. Work deadlines and projects to wrap up.
Countless emails in my inbox imploring me to get in on Cyber-Monday deals… that feeling of trying to filter it all out but feeling that it has clogged up my internal operating system somehow.
My plan is to give myself extra quiet time tonight, wind down early and allow for some rest from it all. My body and mind feel tired. What I have learned in my last couple of years is to honor that call for rest.
The beautiful discovery about this rest, when I take it, is that I discover nothing falls apart when I take that time away. It is all still there when I return, though usually I have fresh perspective on it.
How often do you turn everything off and allow for rest? What happens as a result?
I am reflecting on a conversation I had with a lovely friend recently. I heard in her voice a yearning, a desire to feel deeply understood and loved. I recognize that longing; it is profoundly human. We all want to be appreciated for who we are, and we want to feel valued and seen.
At the same time, we forget to attend to what we want when we are in the habit of giving to others. We may see ourselves as valuable only when we are giving, achieving or being productive. Social conditioning may tell us we are incomplete unless we have a certain kind of relationship. Certainly advertising makes it clear that we need something outside ourselves to feel complete.
But what if we could recognize the deeply abundant creators and nurturers that we all are, deep at our cores? What if we could truly see our value, and that we offered to ourselves opportunities to “play” with those joys within us more?
I am guessing what would happen is that we would see radical transformation in the world. If we could all truly appreciate the beauty within us, and the lightness and completeness of our beings at a soul level, entire systems of oppression would crumble.
This is one reason why I enjoy the process of coaching. Most of us have blind spots to our own potential that are hard to see in ourselves. We may not be able to unpack some of the beliefs that hold us back from appreciating our amazing qualities.
Once we start start to value ourselves, we begin scheduling activities that nurture us and keep us balanced. We spend time with the people who give us energy and those who reflect our light back to us. We begin to act from love rather than fear. When we are in love with our lives, we seem to emit some type of vibration that attracts others as well.
So it might be worthwhile to ask yourself not and then: how am I honoring and valuing myself? Are there ways I can nurture myself more fully, so that I can live well and give to others also?
She looked at the clock which read 12:45 and said: I didn’t realize the time had gone so quickly! Me, thinking that people had forgotten to turn the clock back thought: 11:45! I thought I had been dancing for longer than 10 minutes! In fact, the time was ~12:05…
I hadn’t looked at my phone and wasn’t wearing a watch. Eventually someone got up to change the clock to the “correct” time.
But the point had already been made for me – when you are lost in a moment of flow, or the pure enjoyment of a moment, you lose all sense of time.
Also, the idea of “correct” time had me thinking of the fact that time is designated purely for arbitrary and convenience reasons. Daylight savings time changes are archaic back and forth switches that mess with our natural circadian rhythms.
It has been difficult for me to explain to people that when I am completely in “writing world” or perhaps doing something I enjoy, like dance, yoga, or sometimes even working at my new job, time can feel suspended. I have no sense of the “feeling” of time passing.
In contrast, when I am doing something I do not enjoy, or immersed in chores that aren’t my favorite, I am keenly aware of the time passing.
When I first started to meditate, I could sit for maybe 3 minutes before I would want to bolt. All of that silence got my mind stories to play far too loudly and it was hard for me to relax. I’ve since learned that anchoring with the breath, with sensations in the body or the sounds around me has helped reduce the “noise” of my mind.
People who study quantum physics, as well as many mystics, often say that time is an illusion. When the leap was made from linear, 3-dimensional thinking to quantum, infinitely dimensional thinking, suddenly the space opened up for new relationships with time.
What is your relationship with time? Do you think there is never enough? Do you feel an abundance of time when you can be fully present?
May you, my dear readers, be curious and open to the experiences that captivate your time.
It is our fifth and final week of this series exploring the Yamas and learning asanas and soma yoga practices to support these principles.
Aparigraha is often translated as non-possessiveness, non-attachment or non-clinging. It is about understanding impermanence and honoring the divine flow of life. Nothing that is vital and growing stays the same. This teaching can help us to realize that what we cling to can keep us imprisoned.
Many of us cling to possessions, like cars or homes, fearing what we will become if we don’t have these things. Sometimes we cling to friendships that have come to an end, not realizing that the energy to maintain those relationships is actually stealing energy from other relationships or own vitality.
Aparigraha can also be applied to our expectations of ourselves or of other people. How often do we become prisoners of our expectations of others, rather than letting people be who they are? Can we learn to let go of those expectations, understanding that we not only free the other person, we free ourselves too?
One of my favorite parts of the practice of aparigraha is the letting go of old ideas about ourselves. Sometimes this is scary. We have told ourselves a story of our limitations and this has kept us from being vulnerable, from being truly seen. By getting truthful and current with ourselves (practicing satya), we realize there is growth and possibility that we miss by being stuck in the old story.
Letting go of beliefs and thoughts we have can be facilitated through coaching or mentoring. This is because it is sometimes hard to realize we are not stating “truth” but rather just re-playing an old pattern of thoughts. While they are not true, the may feel true, simply because we have repeated them without examining and questioning them. A good coach can gently challenge our beliefs and help us begin the process of letting go.
For the over-thinkers among us, letting go of worries and concerns may be challenging. In yoga, we settle our nervous systems in preparation for meditation, a practice of watching our thoughts without attachment. Often a mantra can help when watching the breath may not be enough. A mantra or phrase repeated again and again can keep the mind busy, so that the quiet openness does not tempt the mind to run off. And when it does (as mine inevitably does) we apply ahimsaand gently bring it back.
When it comes to letting go, what is most challenging for you? Feel free to post a comment. I am curious.