Dressed for corporate life.
Will I miss it? Not likely.
Only the people.
Dressed for corporate life.
Will I miss it? Not likely.
Only the people.
I am really proud to say I delivered on a commitment to myself that I had made back on June 8th, just before my vacation. My deadline to communicate was July 3rd, and I made it happen a day earlier.
I took a deep breath, scheduled the conversation yesterday with my boss in the morning and completed the conversation in the afternoon. I explained my plan to leave the company as of August 3rd and my intention to do independent consulting work after a break to pursue some family time and personal projects. He told me that he will always support any decision that I know is right for me, even if he does not like it (which of course, he did not, and he admitted that).
I had written the points of the conversation ahead of time, and was able to convey 3/4 of what I had drafted. For me it was not critical to say all of it, but I wanted to have my explanations “in the bag” so I would not be dissuaded. He could tell by my tone of voice and the fact that I titled the meeting “decision” that I had already made up my mind. He did not try to change it.
He did want to talk with me later this week so we could map out a communications plan, to be sure that team members understand this was my decision, not related to company decisions or the budget we were allocated. I understand his concern: last year, there were a couple of non-voluntary transitions (which resulted in other positions within the company for the two people affected). People get nervous if they perceive that their jobs are at risk.
For now I am breathing a sigh of relief. I am grateful for his response, and for all the opportunities I have been given here. But I also realize that this is a strong signal of my commitment to the next venture, and now I have declared (to the universe effectively) that I will make this work. No matter what.
Do you honor commitments you make to yourself? What do you do when you are scared by the commitment required to move yourself forward toward a goal?
Today I am going to upgrade my personal phone from a non-smart device (yes, it had an old-fashioned slide-out keyboard) to an iPhone 8. Yes, I know: it’s time to get out of the stone ages. Isn’t it cute & quaint though? 🙂
Since I have had an iPhone for work, I have not felt the need to upgrade my personal technology. It was adequate – I could text and call, but I did not really need it, and since I am pretty frugal about my utility bills, I did not want to pay for an unnecessary data plan. But now that I’m 5 weeks out from leaving my corporate job, it is time to upgrade and get all of my important data and contacts migrated over.
It’s such a pain though, isn’t it? That is the reason I have not yet done it. Every time I upgrade to a new platform, I seem to lose 10-20% of the useful stuff. I really want to preserve my meditation app, Insight Timer, but I am trying to figure out if I can move it from the work phone to the personal. I guess I probably need to connect my iTunes app to my personal email rather than my work.
Seems like this process could take a lot of steps. Oy.
Well, I have real work to do this morning, and I will spend the afternoon on figuring out my tech upgrade. It makes sense that I give myself the proper time to adjust to the new system, figure out how it works, and make sure I’ve got what I need well in advance of my exit timeline.
I’m gonna keep this post short because I want to devote time to wrapping work things up before the weekend. If you have any advice on upgrading platforms, or migrating things (like my Audible App or the Podcasts App) so you do not lose things that you use all the time, please let me know!
Cheers & happy weekend!
Today is my final day of work before I begin a 2-week vacation. I am grateful for a stretch of time off, when I will not have a laptop and will have some open space to allow my heart and soul to rest and contemplate.
When I return, I will finalize some decisions about the transition I intend to make this summer, and the timeline which I intend to communicate to my current boss. I have been putting off making some decisions on the transition timeline. Or rather: I made the decision, and then “took it back” last month, in a flurry of panic about worrying that I was making the wrong decision.
Yesterday I met with a consultant colleague of mine who encouraged me to make this decision and move forward. This is something my coach has been coaxing me to do as well. I recognize that I am still hanging onto the “reliable salary” excuse in my current role, even though I know that in August/September time-frame I intend to be somewhere else.
But as I move forward I realize that closing certain doors causes others to open. By delaying my decision I actually end up spinning around without a good sense of direction. There are good reasons for tying up loose ends, and I have certainly made progress on my work transition plan in terms of delegating responsibilities and involving team members in my current projects.
But now, I believe I need to make a deadline for communicating my plan to my boss directly. It has been hard for me to have these conversations with him, but I have shared with others my intentions and timelines. Part of me does not want to be “talked into” staying in my current role when I know I am no longer being as effective as I could be.
My soul has already made the decision. My body and my mind need to follow up with action and communication, because that will allow full integrity for me in the process.
So I am giving myself a deadline of July 3rd (before the holiday) in order to communicate my intention to my boss and to map out my plan of transition in more detail. This will allow me to stop carrying the burden of knowing what I know, but not taking action.
Just writing out that decision has helped my body relax, and gives me some determination to move forward. Ahhh… this will help me be able to enjoy my upcoming vacation as well.
Cheers & happy weekend, amigos!
In just an instant
She felt the transformation.
She was Whole and Home.
No need to doubt this.
Her mind was in sync with Heart.
And all became clear.
Haiku in 2 verses by mexi-minnesotana. Use text with attribution only.
I recognized a pattern in myself recently, and I shared it with my husband last night. I am not so proud of this pattern, but it seems like something I should try to understand.
When things are going fairly well in my life, either in my relationships or in my work life, I tend to stir things up. I tend to make trouble in some area, like I cannot be still with the sensation of peace and calm.
I guess in my work life, that process begins once I feel that I have “mastered” the work at some level. I have learned the procedures, practiced them, and they are no longer difficult. The work starts to bore me a bit when it hits a certain mastery stage, and I start looking around for what is next.
Relationships have been a little bit less like this, but I managed to defeat a “rescue” habit I used to have, thankfully. However, I realize that when things are going too well, too smoothly, I have a tendency to throw a wrench in the works, and test things.
Why is it that I cannot rest with a life that is too peaceful, that is too calm? I wish I knew. I blame it on my a.d.d., and probably that has something to do with it. The a.d.d. brain craves novelty and stimulation, more than the average brain. It is one reason I am a voracious learner and reader. Sometimes it feels like I cannot get enough of ideas, of stories, of vivid imagination.
It could also be something like what Brene Brown calls “foreboding joy.” There is this sense that when everything is going really well, we are waiting for the other shoe to drop, some even around the corner that will mess things up. But then maybe I want to be “in control” of that phenomenon, so I do the messing up myself…?
I don’t know about this one. I do know that yesterday I yelled at my boss during a meeting (actually a conference call). I was upset with myself for behaving that way, and I apologized for letting my emotions overcome a calmer head, but I also felt relieved that I had spoken up in defense of my team. Fortunately my boss told me no apology was needed. He feels similar frustrations, and says we have to try not to be discouraged.
Here is where I disagree with that notion. Sometimes active resistance is not possible, that is true. But sometimes walking away is an option. Once we have done everything we can think to do in order to reform a system which is not working, we need to reserve the option of disengaging.
I am done making trouble here. Time to find another place to stir things up. The new opportunity I am pursuing has “drive disruptive change” in the job description. That is what excites me most, the idea that someone might actually pay me to be a trouble-maker… is that really possible? I hope to find out.
I have been thinking a lot lately about where I have been, and where I am going next. It feels a little unsettling, this sensation of knowing I am done with a certain phase of my work life but not yet identifying a clear direction for the next phase.
It reminds me of a concept that was introduced to me nearly half my life ago (22 years, as I am nearly 44) during my college graduation, the notion of liminal space, the place where all transformation takes place. Author and Theologian Richard Rohr describes this space as:
where we are betwixt and between the familiar and the completely unknown. There alone is our old world left behind, while we are not yet sure of the new existence. That’s a good space where genuine newness can begin. Get there often and stay as long as you can by whatever means possible…This is the sacred space where the old world is able to fall apart, and a bigger world is revealed.
I am very much there now.
Some people arrive at this threshold state due to a change in their external world, and I suppose there are circumstantial factors that pushed me here. But my own transformation feels very internally driven, these nudges from my soul making themselves known in a fuller way.
As an anthropological phenomenon, liminality is typically marked in some way with ritual because there is a certain rite of passage the individual must traverse. Teenagers are “liminal beings” for example, as neither children nor adults.
I also find it fascinating that liminality can apply to spatial or temporal dimensions, can be applied to a variety of subjects: individuals, larger groups (cohorts or villages), whole societies, and possibly even entire civilizations. Wikipedia cites examples of groups of people who live betwixt and between, such as immigrant groups, or racial or sexual minorities, often living at the periphery of dominant culture.
As a multi-ethnic person myself, I experience the world in a sort of liminal way. I often see certain intersections in a way that possibly would not occur to someone living within the dominant culture. I now see this capacity as a gift, rather than another way I do not “fit in” to most groups.
The ambiguity of such liminal periods in our lives is best met with creativity and openness. Being in community with others facing big transitions seems to help. I believe getting in tune with what our souls are calling forth is how we must ground ourselves during this time. Maybe these liminal periods are what clear away the “junk” of domesticated normalcy and wake us to the potential we had not seen before.
In some ways, I see the culture around me undergoing a transition as well. Absurd things are happening in our world. We cannot see these in the same way we always have, and yet, we struggle to know what this new thing will become. But rather than fear this ambiguity, I believe we must embrace it. We must find ways to exist with our contradictions, and realize this is a part of a transformation of consciousness that requires us to evolve as humans.
The sooner we understand that we are all in this together, that separation is the illusion, the better we can move forward and embrace new ways of being. In the meantime, we are in a process of becoming conscious, neither asleep nor fully awake. We are on the threshold of change, and it is time to mindfully awaken to a new reality.
Yesterday (Tuesday) I took a break from writing my blog. We had just returned from vacation, arriving home late on Monday night. I slept in, letting my body recover from travel. The night before I’d had a brain-churning, processing kind of night in considering what I had learned at my conference, and what actions I will take next.
For over 6 months I had posted every day, to the point where it may have become a tad obsessive. I always have *something* to write about, and this morning writing routine gives me an energy boost, so I kept at it. But in mindfully choosing to spend some morning time on extra rest, meditation and some reading, I opted to free myself from the self-imposed obligation to post each day.
Some readers are probably saying: thank you! You don’t need to clutter our inboxes with your stuff! Most probably won’t notice. I know I cannot read ALL the blogs that I follow every day. My commitment to personal writing remains strong. My intention for the next month or two is to rest Tuesdays and Thursdays, to give some pauses to my week, and to work on some bigger projects, plans and coaching homework in the meantime. I will re-evaluate in June or so, to see if the change in season brings about a needed change in the rhythm of my weeks.
This feels like a good compromise to get my “writing fix” regularly but to allow more space and time for a bigger transition that is emerging in my life. It also reflects some learning from Liz and Martha at our recent workshop: this next phase of change in human consciousness is not about constant striving. Materialism and rampant consumerism are destroying our planet. The next transformation of consciousness is about joy and rest. Writing is joyful for me, and I also think there is an art to constraint and containment that can help our “next big thing” emerge.
That is where I will invest time next. Thanks for reading and for your support of my writing endeavors. I truly appreciate your feedback and encouragement!