Vague uneasiness

I have a sense of vague uneasiness this week, and I know it is probably related to anticipating my Dad’s upcoming surgery and an interview I have this Thursday.

It is a minor hernia surgery so everything should be fine, but last time Dad went to the hospital for surgery, he ended up in ICU for a few days unexpectedly. So I will happy to hear from my Mom after he returns home tonight or tomorrow. I am pretty sure that is the main reason for this vague feeling of uneasiness.

This Thursday I will be interviewing for a Senior Program Manager position that I applied for last month. It is a 5.5 hour set of meetings with 7 different people, as usual for my company a pretty grueling process. At least I will get to meet the whole team, and I will have the opportunity to assess if I am a fit for the role.

uneasiness
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A part of me finds the opportunity exciting, and another part of me is almost disappointed to have the interview because I was looking for an “excuse” to leave the company in August for a break. My tolerance for corporate politics is wearing thin and I am having trouble distinguishing whether this is due to my particular position in the organization right now, or more of a general phenomenon.

I do know that we sometimes believe “the grass is greener” in another location and then we go and find that we have a new set of challenges to face. I am considering the ways in which I can honor my truth and step up to a new scenario with courage and commitment, if it is the next right step.

As I evaluate the new possibilities I will use my body and my emotions as an important “metric” of whether this particular path is a fit. For me it is about the people, the project and the environment overall, and whether that combination feels motivating (maybe a little scary, that’s okay) and compelling.

Some of the uneasiness might stem from my own perception that this is a step “up the ladder” and I do not necessarily care that much for advancement in that sense. I am going for better alignment rather than traditional advancement this time around. Not that those things are necessarily in opposition, and I must remind myself of this. I realize that part of me fears success as much as failure. Increased visibility is not always my goal, even though this may be what allows me to grow into the next version of myself.

Time to meditate, journal and plan for my week. Hope y’all enjoy the marvelously warmer temps of Spring (those in my neck of the woods). Hasta luego, amigas/os!

via Daily Prompt: Vague