Detritus that needs taming
Gathered in corners.
But I know myself better.
Collections spread here.
People have often recommended to me that I must try a bullet journal, if I truly want to keep myself organized. When I watched Ryder Carroll’s You Tube video on why and how he created the bullet journal for himself, I definitely felt that “click” in my brain that tells me someone is speaking my language. (Sometimes it’s more of a tingle in my spine rather than an actual click, but you get my point.)
Carroll titles his Ted Talk “How to Declutter Your Mind” and he talks about his experience with a.d.d., which he eventually outgrew. In the process, he designed a system to help him keep track of things, while also being mindful about not wanting to focus on too many different things at once.
We live in a world with so many choices, and for many of us, more freedom than ever. This is why minimalist living has become increasingly appealing to me. Decision fatigue is a real thing. And for those of us who struggle with some attention issues, de-cluttering our minds by creating a mental inventory and writing things down is important.
Once it is written down, we can ask ourselves: do these things matter? Or are they just fleeting notions that take up mental space? Once we cross off those items that do not matter, or that we truly do not need to do, the list gets smaller.
Paying attention to “small projects” that hold our curiosity and recording these, we intentionally make space in our lives to do them. Carroll breaks these into month-long chunks, because it makes them more manageable.
Over time, we make adjustments, through a periodic process of reflection. We keep the mental inventory updated each day (more videos here if you want to explore). On a monthly basis, we take a more top-oriented view, setting intentions that are longer-term in nature.
I tried the practice in January to see if it works for me, and I discovered a few things:
I may write about this experiment again in a month, because I am curious about whether February’s efforts will be refined. I want to improve and customize. I should mention that I still do a “shape of the week” in parallel in which I graph out one full week and fill in the sections with my overall time chunks, and then track actual time.
For those of you who have taken the “bullet journal” path – does it work for you? What clever modifications have you added to make it even more functional?
I have a confession: last night I skipped a networking event so I could “treat” myself to an episode of the new show by Netflix, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. It was my second episode. I watched the first one on Monday night to reward myself for a lot of work accomplished that day.
Marie Kondo has the most joyful and optimistic spirit. I love her way of greeting the house in the beginning and taking a moment to thank the home for the protection it has provided to the family. She also asks for cooperation with the project ahead. Truly, her way of approaching it makes the process of clearing seem sacred, rather than a chore.
One thing that bothers me about these projects is that the women always seem to feel excessive amounts of guilt over the mess. The men very seldom feel guilt, though they often seem to feel frustrated with the women over not being able to keep things clean.
My mixed reaction is probably due to my feminist complaint regarding women as the presumed keepers of the home, along with my desire to have vastly less STUFF. I love that feeling of open space that comes with removing clutter. And of course I also love my bookshelves full of precious gems.
It does seem that the couples who start with skepticism eventually get to a place of actually enjoying the process of de-cluttering. By the end of the first two episodes, there were drastic transformations, and also very happy couples much more content with their relationships as well as their space. They appear joyous and radiant after the transformation.
This is re-igniting my desire to continue with my own de-clutter process. Now that I work from home for much of the week, when I am not careful my things can pile up quickly. Putting it all away at the end of the day so I can relax is an important discipline I tried to start about a year ago. Perhaps now it is even more relevant to my quality of life since there is less of a boundary between work and home life.
Many of us find it hard to get rid of objects in our lives that remind us of someone we love, or an experience we have had. So we hang onto boxes of these things, unnecessary objects that weigh us down, simply because we associate them perhaps with a loved one who has passed, or an experience we enjoyed.
But the memory of the person or experience does not require the object to exist in your mind. You can choose return to that memory at any time simply by thinking of of the person or experience. Rather than keeping wardrobes of Grandma’s old clothing, maybe keep a favorite teacup she enjoyed, and put it somewhere that you see it periodically.
The weight of our things in the world tends to weigh on our minds, even if packed away unseen in drawers, boxes and basements. Sometimes people try to de-clutter the main areas of their house by storing things out of their line of sight, but this just postpones making decisions about whether these items serve them.
Marie Kondo explains that our attachment to things is really about an attachment to the past or fear about the future. To me, there is so much wisdom here. I still struggle with letting go of things that are “perfectly fine” or were gifts from someone. But if they are not things we use or enjoy, then the purpose of the gift (to be received) has been completed. We are free to let go if they will just sit in a box and take up “guilt space” as I used to do.
This practice of paring down and living with less seems to be easier for generations that grew up with more abundance (actually with more excess than was ever imagined in the 30’s or 40’s). But when the fundamental belief is one of sufficiency, letting go is so much easier. I come from a family that likes to hang onto stuff. It has been rather challenging and tricky for me to accept that, in light of my aspiration toward minimalism. I must remind myself that I can only control my own choices when it comes to these matters.
Sometimes the “stuff” that requires letting go is our ability to control other people, particularly family. I may wish for them to be free of all the clutter and items that appear to weigh them down. But then I add extra “weight” by judging and imposing my ideas of how things should be, rather than allowing them to be who they are and make their own choices.
Practicing compassion toward myself and toward others is a necessary part of the process. If I am asked for help in de-cluttering, I will be eager to pitch in. But if the impulse comes from pressure or shame, then I am part of the problem, not the solution.