Tag Archives: love

In the margins – haiku in 3 verses

My Love for this Man:

It sometimes Surprises me.

Never Imagined.

***

Calvin resting on Dad

Our l’il bonehead Calvin, resting on Dad in the evening. So comfortable and so spoiled, our beloved fur children.

In the Evenings.

Quietly resting with Cats.

He fills me with Calm.

***

All Over my Page.

And also in the Margins.

My Heart Overflows.

***

To you, mi Amor. On the eve of our vacation trip. I really look forward to our time together during our upcoming adventure.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

 

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patriarchy v. the feminine

I am still reading “Coming Home to Myself” by Marion Woodman and Jill Mellick and feel compelled to share a few more verses that moved me.

In a patriarchy

everything is split.

It’s either or.

In the feminine realm,

it’s both and.

From Chapter 24: Beyond Power and Patriarchy (p 222)

***

One day you shall be able to say.

I am.

I am loved.

I can receive love.

I do love myself.

I do love.

Perhaps today.

From Chapter 30: Coming to Love (p. 272)

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

Meaning in everyday life

meaning in everyday lifeHello Readers!

This month I was invited to participate as a guest writer in the “Making More Meaning” blog by Stephanie. I love her idea to invite several reflections from fellow bloggers on how we find meaning and I am honored to write on this topic.

The minimalists have led the way in our understanding that collecting more possessions is not what gives our lives meaning. I got a reference a few weeks ago to the book “Stuffocation: Living More with Less” from Lisa at the Simple Life Experiment podcast. James Wallman makes a compelling case for an experiential approach over materialism in the way we live our lives, and traces the history of this change in perspective.

Wallman helped me see how collecting things to show one’s status may have arisen from and evolutionary fitness marker display, which helps me have more empathy with this human impulse. At the same time, we have an ecological imperative to evolve away from this way of living, given worldwide population growth. Left unchecked, the manufacture, packaging and waste generated in making more “stuff” could lead to massive problems in the earth’s ecosystems.

Cocoa helping with work

My dear Cocoa loved to help me when I worked at home. She tried find meaning in my work as well, but she often found it lacking and preferred cuddles.

I consider how I personally find meaning daily life. During my 20’s and early 30’s, my career was sometimes more about earning income to pay my bills, while I found true meaning in my volunteer activities. I am fortunate today to work for a company that has a meaningful mission to me: “alleviate pain, restore health, and extend life.” When focus on the patients we serve, and stay committed to the mission, I find a great deal of meaning in the clinical research that my team does every day in Latin America.

On the other hand, when a focus on short-term profit clouds leadership judgment on what is best for the long-term health of our department, it is much more difficult to be propelled by the mission. I believe people can profit from their work and add value to the world simultaneously. There is nothing wrong with making a fair profit. We can re-invest profit into further innovations. Profit and start-up capital are often required to develop new solutions for patients in a sustainable way.

Finding meaning and purpose is about making a contribution that aligns with our values and allows us to use our strengths and talents often. I like Brene Brown’s definition of spirituality (from her work in Rising Strong) to explain how meaning, purpose and spirituality intersect for me. She sees spirituality as something not reliant on religion, theology or dogma, but rather a belief in our interconnected-ness and in a loving force that is greater than ourselves. It is in this way we complete our connection to spirit, living as interconnected beings. We fully acknowledge everything we do has effects on other people, on animals, and on other life on our planet.

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Newlyweds meximinnesotana and dear hubby, Sept 2017 near Isla Holbox, Mexico

We must do some inner work on ourselves, to be sure that our intentions are not coming from a place of needing to “prove our worthiness” to anyone. We are inherently worthy of love and belonging, just by being born. But the gratitude that flows from this realization gives us generosity of spirit that feeds our energy and our commitment.

We are also wired to be in relationships with people, animals and other living organisms. Research shows that we benefit from being in nature, though there is some controversy on whether it is nature itself, or being in community with others that really boosts our well-being. Healthy relationships have been shown to decrease your chances of dying prematurely by 50%. Support offered by caring friends can buffer the effects of stress. In older adults, loneliness is a significant predictor of poor health.

Note that it is about quality and not quantity of your relationships. Even if you have 500+ facebook friends, this does not substitute for 2-3 close friends (or family) in your life that you know you can truly count on when you need support. As an introvert, I know that it takes a lot of energy to maintain many relationships, and so I cultivate them selectively, and in a deeper way.

Is it possible that the “meaning” of friendship gets diluted if you have too many friends? 

I will leave you to ponder that one, while I get back to some work I must complete this week. I would love your thoughts or comments.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

willy and calvin

Though my husband and I chose not to have human children, our fur babies add meaning and happiness to our lives. Willy and Calvin, our “boneheads” as hubby likes to call them, fight but also express mutual admiration. Who can tell me that love is not the ultimate in finding and creating meaning in our lives? 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday AirBnB

Now and then the hubby and I escape to Bemidji in order to visit family. But I am a little bereft when I have no place in which I can escape for solitude. So I sometimes search out an AirBnB so we can have a retreat. This time around, it’s a cute little two bedroom apartment. I really love the plaque over the headboard (which is crafted from a refurbished piano, very creative in itself)!

AirBnB plaque

Since I love the message, I decided to post and take a holiday from writing my usual Sunday haiku.

Happy weekend, amigas/os! Enjoy your limited time on this earth. Treat it as the precious resource that it is.

Two hundred!

This is my 200th post on this blog!

I have been posting daily since last October after launching in September. It seems fitting that I celebrate this milestone while in Scottsdale Arizona to see two of my favorite authors, Liz Gilbert and Martha Beck at a Celebrate Your Life weekend event.

martha beck2

Martha Beck – photo credit link

Friday evening a group of maybe 600-700 women attended a conversation with both of them in which they talked about the kind of magic that springs forth when we trust our true nature rather than culture. Martha spoke about the fact that we are participating in a shift in human consciousness. But it is a transformation that will involve joy and rest, not continuous striving.

To me, there were profoundly moving stories, and so much wisdom and lightness in the way they engaged the audience and engaged each other in a playful dialogue. They spoke about topics that were collected from cards submitted by their audience. I am recording a few take-away ideas from my notes.

Transformation: this happens throughout our lives, not just once or twice.

Trust: you must trust in the face of fear, and as you do this you become stronger and more resilient.

Gratitude: There is no happiness without gratitude. But feel for this gratitude in your body, rather than “force-feeding it” to yourself.

Soul-mates: you can have many soulmates throughout your life that are not necessarily lovers.

Love: it is the relationship between yourself and the universal love around and within you that is most important.

Motivation: Martha said to ask yourself “not just want to you want, but what do you yearn for?” Then make a pledge to keep working for what we year for, without letting the cultural models blind us to these yearnings.

Purpose: this one struck me profoundly. Liz Gilbert said that the purpose of our lives is to know that we are loved. That’s all. Just to know we are loved, exactly the way we are. It is so profound, and it hit me as truth, in my body. Wow.

Diversity: the final question was on this and Liz wanted to pass the mike because realizing the privilege of being part of a pair of white women made her want to give voice to another. The African American woman who came forward was Felicia and she said “diversity is being willing to open your heart with everyone, no matter their color, station in life or area of difference.” Beautiful.

On Saturday we are supposed to bring notebooks, sit next to people we do not know (easy, since I did not travel here in a group) and leave our phones behind. I’m really looking forward to the day! Morning workshop with Liz; afternoon workshop with Martha.

What a great privilege to hear from two wonderful authors that I “know” and love from reading so many of their books! Tremendous gratitude for this experience. Hope y’all have a wonderful weekend.

 

Hating your body into submission?

Best to stop that now. It does NOT work!

Some of us spent way too many of our adolescent years, and perhaps 20’s and beyond hating our bodies. It is not hard to understand why this occurred:

Check out every media publication in the world (practically) that shows women should be thin, beautiful, coiffed, manicured. AND: all of this should occur with the least amount of perceptible effort possible.

Seriously?!?

Body shaming is an epic tradition, especially for western cultures. It is a sad and pathetic tradition and we need to end it now. Why?

For one: it does not serve anyone (except advertisers and people trying to sell you something). Taking care of our bodies properly requires that we love ourselves, and have compassion for ourselves. They are doing the best they can to keep us alive, including storing fat for the lean times. Our ancestors did not always have food to eat on a daily basis, which is why humans (and many other creatures) are adept at storing extra calories in the form of fat.

When you think about it, we have the evolution process to thank for the fact that, if we were short of food, we would be able to survive a remarkably long time just tapping our fat stores. But do we ever give thanks for this handy little phenomenon? Not likely. In the modern world, food is around us. Evolution has not caught up with that reality.

For years as a runner, I used extra mileage to sometimes “punish” myself for bad behavior, i.e. eating chocolate or having some kind of treat forbidden by my diet. I love running but this approach really was not healthy for me, and led to chronic injuries. I was always running from something, and usually it was from feeling any painful feelings, just sitting with the sensations in my body and observing them.

It was not until I started practicing meditation and yoga more regularly and learning to sit with those feelings of discomfort sometimes. Rather than “escaping myself” I learned to come back to myself and to feel compassion and forgiveness for myself. Our bodies do the best they can for us, and meanwhile, they only want us to take care of them.

We can drink plenty of water and get plenty of fresh air. We can eat plenty of healthy vegetables, along with healthy fats and proteins to keep our brains and bodies in balance. We can avoid sugar and flour, highly processed powdered substances that create unnatural insulin releases into the body. We can get plenty of sleep. We can work out to improve endurance and strength, but know resting is equally important to build healthy tissue.

When we love our bodies, we treat them with care and respect. When we take the time to be grateful for what they do for us every day, we tend to pay closer attention, and to ask them what they need, instead of mindlessly shoving down what the advertisers are peddling.

If you hate your body and think this will help you lose weight, I implore you to reconsider. Loving your precious body, the instrument you were granted to live in while on this earth is the way you can best serve it.

Treating your body with kindness and respect is the best way to get more energy, vitality and health. Give it a try. It might surprise you by rewarding you with a more natural weight without the struggle.

 

Oh Calvin

I just read a most lovely post by a blogger who writes so beautifully about the experiences she has had with precious pets in her life in “love lives on.” The photos she posts of her dear spirit guides melt my heart sometimes. If you are a dog lover, or a pet lover in general, check out her blog.

oh calvin

In honor of the fact that my big fat cat Calvin has his arm tucked into my left arm, making it a little difficult for me to type today, and he is purring so loud & contentedly, I will dedicate this post to him and keep it short today.

Another blogger I enjoy, Jessie Brown, (aka Hoosier Mystic) talks about loneliness this week and the things she has learned. She has a cat also, and she wrote a post that resonated with me as well about loneliness, the value of touch and of connections, human and otherwise.

We are wired for connection, and we are also wired for courage. Though it may be hard for us to show our vulnerabilities sometimes, it is necessary for us to be vulnerable to truly experience love. What a gift it is when we can experience any difficult emotion, be it loneliness or grief, and know we can sit with it and sit with ourselves quietly. It will pass, as all emotions do, but being true to what we feel and allowing it, perhaps naming it, rather than running is a balm for the soul.

Thanks for reading. Hope you have a lovely weekend.