It’s a palindrome!
Symmetry of the digits
Echo of itself.
Happy Wednesday, friends!
I usually write my midweek blog on a Tuesday night and schedule it to pre-post at a specific time each day. But this week, with my “Embody the Leader” course (session 3 of 4 tonight) for my group of young women, I wanted to spend time on that instead. So I gave myself a pass to not post a blog at the usual time.
Then I realized it was a full moon, and I also had a lot of other things to do. Since my husband is gone for a 10-day motorcycle adventure with his friend Ben, I opted for some meditation in the moonlight. Last Thursday I had meditated outside to get my feet on the earth and I was visited by a deer, not 100 feet away from me.
This gentle presence seemed curious about me, sitting quite still in a small park just outside our town home. She kept edging closer. Twilight was approaching, so the mosquitoes were making themselves known. But I kept fairly still, watching her as a focal point of my meditation.
She seemed to have a subtle message for me, and I am interpreting the feeling that washed over me in that experience. She seemed to hold me and regard me as just a part of her world. And in that moment, I saw myself as both just a tiny part of the world, and the whole world at once.
It occurred to me that we all evolve constantly. Sometimes I feel I have to strive toward that evolution. Other times I realize that it is bound to happen, this internal evolution, if we pay attention. All we need to do is be present to our lives, be present to the wonder and the beauty all around us, and yes, also to the pain.
It is not about efforting or striving to get somewhere. It is about fully knowing ourselves, and knowing our humanity. It is about fully accepting ourselves as we are in whatever part of our journey we are in. There is no hurry. This is the most important work of our lives. When we know ourselves, we begin to sense and feel our true purpose in the world. And in that process, we feel a joy and lightness that is like no other feeling.
I am so grateful for the experiences of YTT and other circles of women especially, that have brought me to this wisdom.
According to WordPress, this is my one hundredth post. As I sit here and consider a fitting way to “celebrate” this milestone, the snow comes down and I notice it is only 4F outside (with a windchill of -10F).
I am immediately grateful for the heat, my cozy blanket wrapped around me sitting in my favorite chair in the living room. My coffee with cream sits on my side table with some scrumptious new reading. I am immediately grateful for this winter break, and to have no place I need to go today, nothing I really need to do except breathe.
Later I will chop some ingredients for stew, to be gradually cooked in the crock pot for evening. But for now, I savor the silence and gratitude washes over me. In this moment, I have everything I need. Actually, in every moment, I have what I need, when I stay in this moment.
So often I have lived my life in “fast forward” mode, rushing to get to the next thing. But by pausing, noticing, and truly FEELING this present moment, this is where I experience the most joy.
Even in moments when I am in pain, or suffering through a cold, I remind myself: this is all part of the deal. This is all part of being alive, this wonderful immune response that ensures we will survive for longer, not defeated by a virus or the bacteria that we encounter. And this too shall pass. Nothing ever stays the same, the universe is always moving, expanding, changing.
Each molecule of our body has energy in it, that is in a constant state of flux and motion. I consider the miracle of that, the incredible gift that we have, this life, this time to do what moves us. The choices we have are unparalleled. And yet, each moment, we make another. To stay in stillness, or to move to another position. To listen to our inner voice, or to invite in other voices.
I have been aching for a retreat, but I realize it is right here in front of me. And in my ability to enjoy this solitude, I recognize that I am also in community. We are never truly separate from others, even when alone in our homes. As humans we are all connected. We have a common home. We need to honor that, and cherish it.
Hope you have some time to pause and reflect as the calendar year comes to a close. Namaste: The light in me honors the light in you.