Category Archives: emotions

Sunday haiku

Motorcyclists at the Needles

Hubby and myself on the Needles Highway near a phallic rock. Oh, why the heck not.

***

Sweet vacation ends.

Lovely unstructured time.

We will meet again.

***

Eye of the needle

Eye of the Needle – Taken from Hwy 87 (Custer State Park, South Dakota)

 

 

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Wellness Wednesday – on attitude

On Monday night, hubby and I opted out of a wet, windy camping experience and booked a B&B in De Smet, South Dakota. Sunday night we’d spent the night in an AirBnB basement that was basically a retirement community (9 units) on the main floor. It was better than a wet camp site, for sure. The hosts treated us so kindly, they even washed and dried our clothing while we were at dinner. I had asked if we could borrow a clothes dryer, but their hospitality went beyond that.

The actual B&B was a different experience. One of the owners arrived an hour after our scheduled check in time and began telling us how difficult her life is, and how hard it is to have a B&B and another rental property. Her sad story implied we were a burden rather than welcome guests.

In the morning, the kitchen area was locked, so I went across the street to buy coffee. Two other sets of guests were present at breakfast, but she barely interacted with any of us. It was odd, and I believe she must be going through a difficult time in her life. My husband suggested she probably needs anti-depressants.

That might be true. I kept trying to maintain my attitude of kindness and compassion, but I have to admit, it was hard. When people receive money for you to stay with them, while I don’t expect excessive gratitude, I do expect not to be treated as a burden. We had found 3-4 AirBnB options the night before that were cheaper and would probably have worked fine for us.

I had opted to “splurge” on a real B&B because I figured we would at least get a decent breakfast. Well, it was a passable breakfast. At least the room was cozy and clean. The bathroom was also clean. I will say that.

The moral of the story: whatever attitude you project out into the world is likely to be reflected back at you. It’s not to say that every interaction is a reflection of your own behavior. But when your interactions imply that others are a burden, they will not want to return. It’s certainly no way to run a hospitality business. A bit of gratitude goes a LONG way.

3664B8B9-B420-4539-B8E6-2F09DC916C7A.jpeg

Cheers,

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

 

In the margins – haiku in 3 verses

My Love for this Man:

It sometimes Surprises me.

Never Imagined.

***

Calvin resting on Dad

Our l’il bonehead Calvin, resting on Dad in the evening. So comfortable and so spoiled, our beloved fur children.

In the Evenings.

Quietly resting with Cats.

He fills me with Calm.

***

All Over my Page.

And also in the Margins.

My Heart Overflows.

***

To you, mi Amor. On the eve of our vacation trip. I really look forward to our time together during our upcoming adventure.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

 

Transatlantic

I am on my way home from Belgium today. So I will not have the ‘net time to pick a Saturday Share blog.

I will share instead a low-res photo of the goose family I watched on the day that I was able to get some alone-time to flip the scrip on the attitude that was dragging me down. It is a reminder (to me as much as to anyone else) of the privileges I have in my life, and the gratitude I feel for them.

goose family la rameee

Sometimes all it takes is a change of perspective to change my whole week. Especially if I am sleep-deprived. Hope you have an excellent weekend, amigos.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

 

 

 

 

You are not made of sugar

And therefore you will NOT melt if you walk or run in the rain. 

This was what my husband just said to a friend of his, who asked for his help to to get in better shape by walking and possibly running, and taking care of himself. So he agreed to coach this young friend. He has taken a hiatus from running for a few years, and wants to get back to it, and possibly lose some weight as well.

Eight years ago when hubby and I met, we were both avid runners, but I was running 10-milers and half-marathons and he was training for a crazy number of marathons. For a couple years, we had a crazy streak of Half Fanatic and Marathon Maniac madness. I still run, and have done the Twin Cities 10-miler for about 8 out of the last 10 years (due to a connection to the sponsor).

Now that I know that yoga is a better path to body wisdom for me, I run a lot less, and I actually find it easier to maintain my weight. Cortisol and stress-generated hormones are probably the reason for that. Now that I understand how insulin resistance and stress-hormones work, I am able to follow an eating plan that makes it easier to keep weight off.

I used to joke to my husband that running kept me out of prison because it allowed me to deal with the frustrations of working with a boss (at the time) who was clueless and full of herself, without resorting to violence. This is a very tasteless and insensitive joke, I now realize. Workplace and school violence are no joke, and it breaks my heart that children must go through metal detectors to get to their classrooms these days.

Managing our emotions is a key part of emotional adulthood. Since our thoughts drive our emotions, and our emotions drive actions (or lack of action) and therefore our results, we must take the time to develop awareness of our thoughts. Since subconscious thoughts come from long-held beliefs, it can be hard to “tease out” those habitual patterns by ourselves.

I have found that coaching and therapy have been two incredible tools for dealing with anxiety and depression that are hallmarks of those struggling with a.d.d. or any kind of addiction issue. Also, family patterns and learned habits of dealing with stress can be hard to unravel. Knowing how all of those elements work together can help us move forward in our lives.

I realize it reflects a lot of privilege to be able to access therapy, and it is not available to everyone, which I believe is tragic. Yoga, meditation and running are wonderful tools to deal with stress. There is no shame in seeking help, whether through therapy, or a trusted friend or confidante that can compassionately witness our pain and sit with us through it.

No, you are not made of sugar. You will not melt. But there is no shame in getting shelter from the emotional storms that may batter us more than a gentle Spring rain.

Peace, y’all.

 

 

 

Vague uneasiness

I have a sense of vague uneasiness this week, and I know it is probably related to anticipating my Dad’s upcoming surgery and an interview I have this Thursday.

It is a minor hernia surgery so everything should be fine, but last time Dad went to the hospital for surgery, he ended up in ICU for a few days unexpectedly. So I will happy to hear from my Mom after he returns home tonight or tomorrow. I am pretty sure that is the main reason for this vague feeling of uneasiness.

This Thursday I will be interviewing for a Senior Program Manager position that I applied for last month. It is a 5.5 hour set of meetings with 7 different people, as usual for my company a pretty grueling process. At least I will get to meet the whole team, and I will have the opportunity to assess if I am a fit for the role.

A part of me finds the opportunity exciting, and another part of me is almost disappointed to have the interview because I was looking for an “excuse” to leave the company in August for a break. My tolerance for corporate politics is wearing thin and I am having trouble distinguishing whether this is due to my particular position in the organization right now, or more of a general phenomenon.

I do know that we sometimes believe “the grass is greener” in another location and then we go and find that we have a new set of challenges to face. I am considering the ways in which I can honor my truth and step up to a new scenario with courage and commitment, if it is the next right step.

As I evaluate the new possibilities I will use my body and my emotions as an important “metric” of whether this particular path is a fit. For me it is about the people, the project and the environment overall, and whether that combination feels motivating (maybe a little scary, that’s okay) and compelling.

Some of the uneasiness might stem from my own perception that this is a step “up the ladder” and I do not necessarily care that much for advancement in that sense. I am going for better alignment rather than traditional advancement this time around. Not that those things are necessarily in opposition, and I must remind myself of this. I realize that part of me fears success as much as failure. Increased visibility is not always my goal, even though this may be what allows me to grow into the next version of myself.

Time to meditate, journal and plan for my week. Hope y’all enjoy the marvelously warmer temps of Spring (those in my neck of the woods). Hasta luego, amigas/os!

via Daily Prompt: Vague

Pausing, resting and noticing

On Thursday this week I opted to sleep in instead of blogging. Since I’d had some insomnia on Sunday (slept 2 hours) and Tuesday (slept 4 hours) it felt really good to get 10.5 hours of sleep. It was really good, juicy sleep. I know that I dreamed, but I did not write down my dreams right away, so they faded quickly. But the sleep felt cleansing and nourishing, so I know my psyche was working out whatever needed processing.

I was fortunate to be able to work at home so I had some “think time” in between my conference calls. I took a little extra time to meditate, and to work on planning during my quiet time. I wrote in my journal. It is a handwritten, old-fashioned sort of practice for me. It is a way I slow down my brain long enough to process thoughts and feelings, to pay attention to what is going on in my body.

Our bodies can provide a necessary “compass” for the messages in our soul, but so often we forget to observe our reactions as a visceral process. We are in go-go-go mode, always trying to learn something new, read another book, listen to another podcast or audio book. I certainly love to indulge in all of these “treats” as I think of them. But then I need to allow for it all to settle, and for my personal truths to emerge.

As I tuned into my body’s messages today, I discovered I do not want to go to Boston in May for a trip to a conference that is typically an annual event for managers on my clinical research team. The week after that trip I am scheduled to travel to Belgium for another meeting. Then I am planning a trip the week after that to Mexico, to work with a colleague to help orient and train a new team member.

First off: three trips in 3 weeks is an easy NO for my body. More like a “shit NO!” if you pardon my French…  Is it that Boston trip itself causing the objection, or just the idea of traveling 3 weeks in a row?

I’m not wild about the Belgium trip honestly (even though I have enjoyed past work trips to Europe). But since I am on a “farewell tour” of sorts in my current role, that trip is part of my closure process in orienting a team member who may be taking on some parts of my role after I leave.

I am breathing through this decision and validating it by noticing the lightness I feel when I imagine skipping that trip. While I enjoy travel, I have come to appreciate sleep and a certain “life rhythm” in living well throughout my days and weeks. To be my most energetic and authentic self, I must respect that rhythm and notice when my body sends me these signals. When I ignore them, and press on, things tend not to go well.

In all honesty, there is no real reason I need to go to Boston for that conference. I have been to Boston before, and I enjoyed it, but I have no desire to go this time. My boss knows my career path is leading me to a new role. I have been upfront with him about that. He may not understand that my personal deadline of August is regardless of whether I have a job lined up specifically, or if I will simply take a break before my next gig.

I will honor that amazing compass of internal wisdom. It never leads me astray. Time to write the email to let him know my decision on this one…

Cheers & happy weekend, amigos!

Wild vs domesticated

I have been thinking a lot about the exercises Martha Beck and Liz Gilbert asked of us on Saturday during our Celebrate Your Life Retreat this weekend.

I opted to skip the Sunday Q&A discussion after being peopled-out by the 611 women (and 4 men) attending the conference and the deep work we did as part of the workshops. We shared with each other some very personal things, those of us willing to be a little vulnerable.

What Liz and Martha asked of us was nothing less than the transformation of human consciousness. I wholeheartedly agree with their assessment. We cannot keep doing things the way they have always been done. It is killing our planet.

All this constant striving, ego, machismo and relentless activity are creating an unsustainable habitat for future generations. But before we run off trying to heal the planet, we need to heal ourselves. We need to realize that we are whole and that we are loved.

We need to get enough rest, enough healthy food and get enough PLAY in each our days. I think particularly for women we do not let ourselves have this time. We are conditioned and “domesticated” to be busy, to be caring for everyone, sometimes at a cost to ourselves. 

But when we do not allow for play, for natural curiosity, for that quality we had when we were younger, that fascination and wonder with the world, we all lose. For it is when we play, when we step away from the obligations and the chores and the everyday life that we realize our creative gifts. We re-energize our spirits.

So after a wonderful time Friday evening and all-day Saturday, I opted to “play” with my husband instead of attending the final 2 hour session. Part of me said: “hey, you signed up for this, and you want to get your money’s worth!”

But the bigger part of me, that divine intelligence that comes from my heart, wanted to enjoy the day with my husband. I wanted to process what I had learned, and integrate my learning into the bigger story of my life. I wanted to enjoy some togetherness and shared adventure that are so good for our relationships.

Sedona from cathedral

Sedona, Arizona. Taken April 8, 2018. Copyright mexi-minnesotana

 

So we went on a motorcycle journey to Sedona from Scottsdale. It was a long trip, along the back roads in the mountains, maybe 160-165 miles each way. For me ‘cycling more than 300 miles in a day, especially without “conditioning” for the season, is challenging! I’m not part of the “iron butt” crowd!

I followed my “wilder” and less domesticated instinct and the wisdom of my heart and have no regrets. I have studied Liz’ and Martha’s work and books for years. While some of the Q&A may have been informative, my soul was calling out for play, not for another morning in a ballroom away from the sunshine.

I am grateful to have such experiences and to have the luxury of the resources to plan such a vacation as this during what feels like a big transition in my life. I realize it reflects a lot of privilege to be able to nurture this side of myself, and I do not take it for granted.

But I believe that personal growth is an imperative, not a luxury. If we do not grow, we wither. If we do not honor the yearnings within us, our soul begins to die, even if our bodies still live. Many of us have learned this behaviors as a part of our culture, which is inherently conservative.

What got us here will not get us into the future unscathed. Caring and nurturing are done in the wild as well as in domestic settings. Women are good at it, so let us practice giving it to ourselves. Not only our own lives, but the lives of all those around us will benefit.

We return home today. My consciousness is raised, and the wild adventure has begun.