Half a century

What does it take for a marriage to last 50 years?

I have asked a few people that, and what I usually hear is this:

Patience. Lots and lots of patience. Also, the ability to let go of the need to be right about everything.

I think it was Frida Kahlo’s father who told her that the secret to a good marriage is a short memory.

50 year cakes and flowers

Ten years ago (in 2010) I met the man who would become my husband in 2017. He proposed in 2015. It took me many years of therapy, personal coaching, spiritual growth and a leap of faith for me to enter back into such a contract for a second time.

I read books like “All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation” by Rebecca Traister and “Committed: A Love Story” by Elizabeth Gilbert. The first time around, I had known I could get out of it. That marriage was borne of familial rebellion and personal stubbornness.

The second time around, I waited to be sure I could outlast my tendency to get bored and move on every 4-8 years. I already knew living with other people (anyone really) can be difficult for me. Solitude is precious. Personal space is one of my highest values. It’s why the era of COVID-19 has held blessings in disguise for me. I realized this reflects a lot of privilege. It also reflects the personal choice I made not to become a parent.

My parents love my sister and me fiercely and protectively. Their division of labor is not what I would choose, but it seems to work for them. They taught my sister and me that all people are worthy of respect. They contributed to their community in so many ways, especially to their students and neighbors. They focused their attention on us, our educations and our futures. We have never doubted their commitment to us. I am forever grateful for those gifts.

Half a century. I am in awe. Grateful.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

 

 

Physical distancing plus presence

Social distancing is a misnomer. What we really need is physical distancing with social presence. Community is important for mental health. Yeah, you could watch You-Tube videos, but you’d miss out on the experience of practicing with actual people. There is power in presence, even when it is virtual.

Physical distancing and presence

Yep, more shameless self-promotion. Hard to believe I live in Minnesota, no? 😉

Cheers,

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

P.S. If you want to participate but are low on funds, email me and I will send you a Zoom link for a class of your choice. Your presence is important and we would love for you to join us! 

 

Saturday Share – 10 Eye-Opening Writing Rituals from Great Writers — Victoria Ray

The author should die once he has finished writing. So as not to trouble the path of the text. Umberto Eco The truth is (social distancing or not), I am still a very disorganised author. How could I publish so many books? 🤨 I don’t know. That’s why I’m diving in into some rituals of the greatest,…

via 10 Eye-Opening Writing Rituals from Great Writers — Victoria Ray

For those of you who would like to establish a writing routine during quarantine, my friend and writer Victoria Ray has pulled together a few ideas for you.

Cheers & happy weekend,

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

Renewal in times of uncertainty

Content here first appeared on Linked in on April 14, 2020. It has been edited for WordPress and re-formatted.

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Are you feeling like your head is busy and your body is unsettled?

Maybe you are trying to work from home, and it now seems like all you do is work…

Or maybe you are managing children’s “school at home” schedules and you are also expected to get work done.

boss Gallup article
Photo credit link (Gallup)

With the uncertainty and virus concerns, many of us exist in a new reality. Even if we might worked at home before now and then, now we are possibly sharing space with more people.

We don’t necessarily have the “commute bumper” of our day to delineate starting and stopping anymore. For some of us, maybe the dining room is now our makeshift office. Pets or children may interrupt us many times a day, not understanding that it’s a Tuesday, not a weekend!

It does not help that the news can be grim, and that we worry about the state of our health, our loved ones, and of just how the world will “recover” from such a disruption. While we may be able to focus on certain aspects of our work during the day, we cannot totally keep from wondering… what is next?

During this period of collective upheaval and change it is important to schedule self-care into our day. I’m writing this while snow swirls outside in Minnesota as we speak. So while a walk would be lovely and I highly encourage that as a routine for before or after your workday, or after lunch, it does not always appeal.

Yogi tea IG photo

Other things you can do include taking a break and making a cup of tea, and allowing yourself to step away from your desk. Grab a journal and write out your thoughts, or draft a  screenplay scene with yourself as the protagonist.

If you’re like me, you will add yoga or other movement as part of your day. There are online NIA classes you might take. Perhaps some quiet meditation or listening to some soothing music will help you calm and center.  Or engaging your creativity by getting out the paints or even some play-doh (remember kindergarten?) will give your mind a rest.

Whatever you decide to do, realize that these self-care activities are not optional. They are not frivolous, because they provide a respite from our left hemispheric thinking, which can be unrelenting. While thinking and problem-solving are wonderful aspects of our human capacity, over-emphasis can lead to anxiety, a focus on doing rather than being, and sometimes even insomnia.

I wish you well. I hope you experiment with and discover the activities that nourish your whole self, and nurture calm, clarity and resilience. I would love to hear about your favorite ways to relax in the comments below!

Take much care,

Cristy

P.S. If you have not already found online yoga options and want to join a live community of people via Zoom to practice restorative or slow flow yoga online, please join my email list (cristy@meximinnesotana.com) to get a free class offer. Or you can sign up for a sliding fee yoga class here. No prior experience necessary. Thank you for your interest!  

Healing Within Tree
Click here to explore Yoga with Cristy

 

New yoga gig – when possible

Hi Friends,

This is shameless self-promotion but it’s fun to share a piece of good news as most of our input channels seem to be focused on the virus situation. I got my first “real” yoga teaching gig close to home, starting when we start being able to meet with people face to face again. Or maybe I will try some online delivery via Zoom! I’m sharing the announcement that got posted on Thursday by the owner of Healing Within Acupuncture & Wellness Studio.

Capture

Sometimes good things happen when we get prepared and then stay attentive to possibilities as they arise. I’m so very grateful, especially at a time when my “main gig” is will be in transition in the next few months.

Ah, life! You never know what is around the next corner! Visualize something good that might come during any challenge. Perhaps it’s just as likely as the doomsday scenarios. 😉

Cheers & stay well,

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

P.S. I am offering free 1:1 calls for people who want some extra support during this “corona-palooza” event. No obligation. Just a chance to speak your thoughts and emotions and to receive empathy and encouragement. Schedule a 20-25 minute call with this link.

 

Managing emotions in uncertain times

Managing our emotions during a pandemic can feel like a difficult prospect sometimes. This is when it becomes important to recognize that the behavior of the “herd” has an effect on our thoughts and emotions. We can offer ourselves compassion, because this is what our minds are designed to do, to detect threat, pay attention to social signaling, and to respond accordingly.

Managing our emotions

So if you are hard on yourself because you are experiencing anxiety, try talking with yourself in the way you might comfort a good friend: “It’s okay. Things seem hard right now. You are doing the best you can.”

It is also important to stay centered and grounded in your body and in the present moment. Too often news coverage, designed to grab and hold your attention, starts spinning doomsday scenarios. It becomes like a train wreck, hard to look away, though you know it is a disaster to keep watching.

Acknowledging difficult emotions and letting them rise and fall within you is very important. If you try to deny them, or push them away, you just intensify those feelings. So give them proper space, and allow the thoughts to come and go. Write them down if this makes it easier to get some distance.

Then breathe, close your eyes, come back to the sensations in your body and realize that, at this moment, you can let go of these temporary thoughts and emotions. They do not have to drive you toward hoarding behavior or destructive habits like over-eating or over-drinking. By allowing yourself to be fully human, and to realize that thoughts and emotions will arise.  and we can still find ways to be calm, we will get through this.

Sending all of you love and virtual hugs.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

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P.S. If you feel the need to get some coaching or support on emotions that may be troubling you, please to set up a free call with me via Acuity  There is no obligation to purchase anything or sign up for a long-term commitment. I just want to offer what I can and be of service as we get through this crisis together. Be well.