Tag Archives: joy

Love affairs

I once took a sick day from a temp job because I was reading a book I loved so much I literally could not put it down. That was in my 20’s and the job was in an office, for a bank, nothing I was passionate about, though it paid the bills.

Lately I have been toying with the idea of writing fiction, and there is a story that I have begun getting down on paper, a few paragraphs here & there in my journal. There are a few characters forming in my consciousness, and it is a “road not taken” kind of story perhaps relating to aspects of my own life. But the characters are distinct from me, and seem to have minds of their own.

I’ve been considering how to get more time for my writing. Even though I have not interviewed yet for a position that is kind of exciting to me, I worry that a new job means I would have to focus more on that work, and less on my own creative endeavors. Then I remember the advice that Liz Gilbert gave to a writer during her podcast “Magic Lessons.”  It was to “have an affair” with her art, which in her case was painting.

She explained that people who are having affairs, despite having busy lives, somehow find a way to fit those steamy encounters into their lives. The affair provides a nuclear energy boost, and even though it is not front and center in terms of one’s time and one’s external priorities. Sneaking away to do this thing is delicious and exciting. And our creativity has a desire to have an affair with us.

This feels like where my writing resides right now, in that “stolen” morning time before I get myself ready for work. It is sort of a sacred time for me, and while I keep up the appearance of a “normal” life on the surface, I like having this other aspect of me. I do not share it with everyone (or in the case of this fiction, anyone), and yet it excites me.

When I stopped doing a daily post for a while, thinking I would give myself more time, I actually struggled with getting the energy to get my “regular” things done. While I know I do not have to post publicly every day, but then I *DO* need to generate my work anyway. Because it sustains me and thrills me.

There is some part of me that knows that if it were the main event in my life, it would not feel this exciting and thrilling. Keeping a life that sustains me, and work that pays well, as long as it is not too all-consuming, allows me to find excitement and spark during these stolen moments with words, color and creativity. And perhaps that is why it is so appealing, because it is a treat I give to myself.

Are you having an affair with your art? Do you sneak in the time no matter what else is going on? I would love to hear if this concept resonates with you. 

 

Advertisements

Two hundred!

This is my 200th post on this blog!

I have been posting daily since last October after launching in September. It seems fitting that I celebrate this milestone while in Scottsdale Arizona to see two of my favorite authors, Liz Gilbert and Martha Beck at a Celebrate Your Life weekend event.

martha beck2

Martha Beck – photo credit link

Friday evening a group of maybe 700-800 women attended a conversation with both of them in which they talked about the kind of magic that springs forth when we trust our true nature rather than culture. Martha spoke about the fact that we are participating in a shift in human consciousness. But it is a transformation that will involve joy and rest, not continuous striving.

To me, there were profoundly moving stories, and so much wisdom and lightness in the way they engaged the audience and engaged each other in a playful dialogue. They spoke about topics that were collected from cards submitted by their audience. I am recording a few take-away ideas from my notes.

Transformation: this happens throughout our lives, not just once or twice.

Trust: you must trust in the face of fear, and as you do this you become stronger and more resilient.

Gratitude: There is no happiness without gratitude. But feel for this gratitude in your body, rather than “force-feeding it” to yourself.

Soul-mates: you can have many soulmates throughout your life that are not necessarily lovers.

Love: it is the relationship between yourself and the universal love around and within you that is most important.

Motivation: Martha said to ask yourself “not just want to you want, but what do you yearn for?” Then make a pledge to keep working for what we year for, without letting the cultural models blind us to these yearnings.

Purpose: this one struck me profoundly. Liz Gilbert said that the purpose of our lives is to know that we are loved. That’s all. Just to know we are loved, exactly the way we are. It is so profound, and it hit me as truth, in my body. Wow.

Diversity: the final question was on this and Liz wanted to pass the mike because realizing the privilege of being part of a pair of white women made her want to give voice to another. The African American woman who came forward was Felicia and she said “diversity is being willing to open your heart with everyone, no matter their color, station in life or area of difference.” Beautiful.

On Saturday we are supposed to bring notebooks, sit next to people we do not know (easy, since I did not travel here in a group) and leave our phones behind. I’m really looking forward to the day! Morning workshop with Liz; afternoon workshop with Martha.

What a great privilege to hear from two wonderful authors that I “know” and love from reading so many of their books! Tremendous gratitude for this experience. Hope y’all have a wonderful weekend.

 

This moment, this breath

All we have is this moment. The past exists only in our memories. And the future exists only in our imagination.

Neither the past nor the future exist, except in our minds.

All we have is this moment, right now, anchored to the body by this breath, and our awareness of being HERE.

By awakening to this moment, developing the awareness to keep coming back here again and again, we develop gratitude and wonder for the abundance all around us.

People and companies from all channels, teevee, and internet, try to sell us happiness, in a can of Coke, the latest shoes, car or whatever accessory they urge us to buy and consume.

In the meantime, when we are aware that nothing outside of us can bring us true joy, and that we can tap an inner well of joy at any time, we are truly free.

We give thanks for our existence, for that miracle of being born in a time when we can create, as a species, more than we will ever need to survive.

We become conscious of over-using resources of the earth without regard for consequences. By not cultivating ecological harmony for future generations, we short-change the gift we simply received with no work on our part. It was granted just by being born of this earth.

As we sit in stillness and awareness of this moment, let us realize this great gift. Let us restore and heal our mother earth  and honor her for how she has fed us and sheltered us. We thank her for granting all the raw materials we need to apply our human ingenuity to transform into tools for better living.

She has not failed us and continues to give generously. Let us pledge never to fail her.

divine feminine

Photo credit link – The Divine Feminine and Return of the Sacred Wisdom of Creation

Amen.

(a prayer/meditation to honor the divine feminine, handwritten by mexi minnesotana on March 1, 2018, transcribed March 2, 2018.)

Thank you

I often sit in the morning drinking my coffee while I watch the sunrise, along with my cat (Willy) who watches and seems to love it too. Or maybe he is just watching for the neighborhood dogs, I am not sure.

We have a really well-positioned large window in the living room. This photo does not do it justice, but the flaming orange, red, purple and pink colors make me breathless with wonder.

sunrise-jan-19-2018.jpg

It is these intense moments of gratitude when I feel myself losing the need to worry, and coming back to the present, where I have all I need in this moment. Such a simple concept, and yet we are drawn away from the present so often. It can be hard to live right here and now. So many distractions and enticements can take us away from the simplest joys.

Our habits of mind, well-practiced and reinforced by generations, have not placed value on being, just breathing and sensing. But that is okay, it is still possible to learn and practice this new skill. The practice of mindful gratitude, focusing awareness on our breath or just watching the thoughts come and go, is a foundation for joy.

Last night during yin yoga class I noticed my tendency to escape into my mind when I was in a more challenging pose. But I kept bringing myself back, breathing into some slight discomfort but allowing myself to stay with the sensations. This is good practice for sitting with difficult emotions as well.

Life will never be 100% positive, and that is okay. To be fully human is to feel good sometimes and bad other times. The range of emotion is a gift to us as humans, and the less we fight and resist the harder emotions, the more joy we can access. It is okay to feel sad and to grieve losses. It is necessary and good, and allows empathy for others.

Joy comes at moments when we are able to notice all the good within us and around us. It can also be practiced, and cultivated with thoughts of compassion and love. Saying thank you to the universe, to the spirit, to a family member, or to whatever moves us, helps us to access that joy more readily. Thank you, friends. I hope you enjoy your weekend.

 

One Hundred

According to WordPress, this is my one hundredth post. As I sit here and consider a fitting way to “celebrate” this milestone, the snow comes down and I notice it is only 4F outside (with a windchill of -10F).

I am immediately grateful for the heat, my cozy blanket wrapped around me sitting in my favorite chair in the living room. My coffee with cream sits on my side table with some scrumptious new reading. I am immediately grateful for this winter break, and to have no place I need to go today, nothing I really need to do except breathe.

Later I will chop some ingredients for stew, to be gradually cooked in the crock pot for evening. But for now, I savor the silence and gratitude washes over me. In this moment, I have everything I need. Actually, in every moment, I have what I need, when I stay in this moment.

So often I have lived my life in “fast forward” mode, rushing to get to the next thing. But by pausing, noticing, and truly FEELING this present moment, this is where I experience the most joy.

Even in moments when I am in pain, or suffering through a cold, I remind myself: this is all part of the deal. This is all part of being alive, this wonderful immune response that ensures we will survive for longer, not defeated by a virus or the bacteria that we encounter. And this too shall pass. Nothing ever stays the same, the universe is always moving, expanding, changing.

Each molecule of our body has energy in it, that is in a constant state of flux and motion. I consider the miracle of that, the incredible gift that we have, this life, this time to do what moves us. The choices we have are unparalleled. And yet, each moment, we make another. To stay in stillness, or to move to another position. To listen to our inner voice, or to invite in other voices.

I have been aching for a retreat, but I realize it is right here in front of me. And in my ability to enjoy this solitude, I recognize that I am also in community. We are never truly separate from others, even when alone in our homes. As humans we are all connected. We have a common home. We need to honor that, and cherish it.

Hope you have some time to pause and reflect as the calendar year comes to a close. Namaste: The light in me honors the light in you.

 

 

Compulsive blogging

Now that I have committed to posting daily since the beginning of October, I realize that I always make time for this activity, no matter what. I start to wonder if that is a little compulsive.

It is nearly 300 days since I started meditating daily, and I recognize the benefit to my life of that consistent habit. Is writing the same thing? Or does it have a down side, a dark side? I suppose any good thing can have its down side it taken to an extreme.

During the holidays when I had a little less access to wi-fi, I pulled out my handwritten journal a bit more. That is a good thing. Electronic media are a nice luxury, for sure. But my brain processes differently when hand-writing is a necessity.

Laptop with watch

I felt a little withdrawal when I was unable to write, a little melancholy. I realized that writing gives me joy, and this blog community I have discovered has become a little more part of my routine than I expected. That said, I adapt to the change in routine that holidays typically bring.

I wrote haiku, did a photo-blog piece instead of a longer journal-like piece and I did more personal reflection instead than public blog posts. Changing it up can be good, despite those habits we cultivate getting modified a bit during the holidays.

I realized that, in prioritizing this blog, I put aside some tasks that I was “supposed” to do this weekend for work. In fact, I chose not to work on them because I prioritized what was important to myself rather than my employer. This is probably related to my tendency as a Questioner, more easily moved by inner expectations rather than outer expectations.

So maybe it is less a compulsion than a strong desire and discipline to shape this writer in me. I can demonstrate to myself that this commitment is not just a fleeting one, but a more fundamental part of how I intend to live.

How do you want to live? Are there things you dream about doing that keep entering your consciousness? Are there nudges you keep getting to try things that make you a little anxious but also excited? What if you committed 15-30 minutes each day to getting those things done? How would your life change?