How to keep quarantine from ruining your marriage (shared)

Within hours, I was getting texts. And FB messages. And then a call from a quasi-terrified sounding former student: “Any articles or books you can suggest about how my spouse and I spend the next many weeks together in our tiny apartment without offing each other?” Then, as if on cue, my husband of 28…

via How to keep quarantine from ruining your marriage — ideas.ted.com

I found this post interesting, partly because my husband predicted that there would be a baby-boom post-quarantine. I predicted there would be a spike in divorces as people forced to be together in closer quarters than usual might spark greater than average disagreements. Ha! And usually I’m the optimist!

So I share this in case it would be helpful to anyone else who wants to maintain good relationships in tighter quarters than usual.

Much love, my friends. Stay safe.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

 

Saturday share – your favorite mantras?

Happy weekend, friends!

Who else is living in a shelter in place situation? (Raise virtual hands)

Okay, bummer. Me too.

I was thinking of my favorite mantras that help me get through difficult times. To change things up a bit, I thought it would be nice to “Saturday share” your favorite mantras in the comments.

I can kick us off:

This too shall pass.

We are just visitors on this planet.

Breathing in, I know I’m breathing in. breathing out, I know I’m breathing out. 

We are all in this together.

Choose love over fear.

What are your favorites? Please share if you are willing. Thank you!

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

C82ABFBA-0A12-415D-B3AA-C7A74E51EEE4
I’m pretty sure Olive’s mantra is: don’t worry, just take a nap! 😆❤️

No time like the present

There is no time like the present.

Actually that’s the only time there is, this present moment. The past exists in your mind as memory. The future only exists in your imagination.

Times like these make that all the more clear to me. The only actions we can take are in the present.

No Time Like the Present

True, we can plan for the future. But our ideas about the future are only a guess. In February, did anyone plan for not being able to get to the gym for a month starting March 17th?

I had to laugh at the U.S. President’s remarks on Wednesday. (Otherwise I would cry. Really.) He’s acting like we can and should “start-up” the economy again just like re-booting a computer. He actually thinks he is in control of the virus and the economy! Wow.

You and I know that is absurd and dangerous.  It becomes all the more clear that when the ego (i.e. left-brained “me-oriented” mental chatter) drives the world, disaster is the result.

Surrender to this moment. Do only the next relevant thing.

The next moment will take care of itself. And you will calm yourself by breathing, not trying to imagine EVERY possible scenario at once.

Think of Dorothy, who said “there’s no place like home.” And close your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, or your butt in a chair and say:

“There’s no time like the present.” Then live your life, one moment, and one breath at a time. Humanity is resilient. You are no exception.

Love you all,

cristy@meximinnesota.com

 

Phones for talking?

Do you remember the days when phones were just phones? 

Did you ever have to “wait in line” for the one phone line at home?

Rotary trim line phone (red)
I don’t think ours was red, but this was the style my family had when I was growing up.

When you were a teenager, maybe you use the phone upstairs, and the cord would get twisted while you had to make sure your younger sister wasn’t listening in on the downstairs line… ah those were the days.

I guess I’m dating myself here! But today I spent time on the phone with a few friends who called me. It was delightful to talk with them, not to bother with email, but to have actual conversations. We did not need any fancy software to talk, and hearing their voices really helped me feel connected.

We had time to talk, and we spoke about the different experiences we’d had since this virus situation started becoming part of the public health recommendations for self-quarantine.

I also had time to talk with my sister on the phone. She’s an R.N. and she’s making preparations in case she needs to self-quarantine after she treats sick patients in the hospital. Our parents are in their 70’s and she is thinking in advance about how to protect them by keeping her distance, though their county has not reported any cases yet.

There is a lost art to a good phone conversation. I prefer phone calls to video calls. I find that I take notice of the tone of voice more, and get less distracted by seeing my image (or someone else’s image) on a video screen. I am actually enjoying this part of our self-enforced exile. I find that when I focus on my gratitude, there is less room for fear and anxiety.

What helps you stay calm in the midst of uncertainty? Have you tried talking with friends on the phone lately? 

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

Managing emotions in uncertain times

Managing our emotions during a pandemic can feel like a difficult prospect sometimes. This is when it becomes important to recognize that the behavior of the “herd” has an effect on our thoughts and emotions. We can offer ourselves compassion, because this is what our minds are designed to do, to detect threat, pay attention to social signaling, and to respond accordingly.

Managing our emotions

So if you are hard on yourself because you are experiencing anxiety, try talking with yourself in the way you might comfort a good friend: “It’s okay. Things seem hard right now. You are doing the best you can.”

It is also important to stay centered and grounded in your body and in the present moment. Too often news coverage, designed to grab and hold your attention, starts spinning doomsday scenarios. It becomes like a train wreck, hard to look away, though you know it is a disaster to keep watching.

Acknowledging difficult emotions and letting them rise and fall within you is very important. If you try to deny them, or push them away, you just intensify those feelings. So give them proper space, and allow the thoughts to come and go. Write them down if this makes it easier to get some distance.

Then breathe, close your eyes, come back to the sensations in your body and realize that, at this moment, you can let go of these temporary thoughts and emotions. They do not have to drive you toward hoarding behavior or destructive habits like over-eating or over-drinking. By allowing yourself to be fully human, and to realize that thoughts and emotions will arise.  and we can still find ways to be calm, we will get through this.

Sending all of you love and virtual hugs.

cristy@meximinnesotana.com

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P.S. If you feel the need to get some coaching or support on emotions that may be troubling you, please to set up a free call with me via Acuity in March. There is no obligation to purchase anything or sign up for a long-term commitment. I just want to offer what I can and be of service as we get through this crisis together. Be well.