Chance to practice mindfulness.
Show Kindness to All.
Chance to practice mindfulness.
Show Kindness to All.
As I prepare to teach a 4-week learning circle entitled “Nurturing Your Feminine Leadership Journey” I realize that I have done what I can. Now it is time to surrender the results, and become (and remain) present with the participants.
I may have just a couple of students, but I am committed to making the course valuable and holding the space for growth. So I will “preach what I practice” and stay present, learn and discover what the students need most, and respond accordingly.
As some point in the process, we have done what we can. We only control how we prepare, how we show up, and our attitude. We do not control the result, so at this point, it is best to surrender it and enjoy the experience.
Have a great week, friends!
***This edited blog was originally posted in February 2018***
When we get to February I always feel a surge of optimism. Spring is not so far away now, and those of us who get a little “cabin fever” this time of the year start noticing more light in the evenings.
In February of 2017 I started a habit of daily meditation. I had meditated before that occasionally. But last year, I committed to a minimum of 5 minutes per day. It was a do-able goal, and I count my yoga sessions as part of my practice, so with 3 classes a week, that made the goal easier as well. In February of 2019 I will celebrate 2 years of daily meditation.
It has changed my life, particularly since I have struggled with a.d.d. in the past. Meditation has helped me calm my mind and become less reactive to the “bouncing” thoughts. I can observe them and not follow them. I notice when I am caught in a story that I am spinning, and start to question whether that is even true. I hold less judgment about my mind, and more curiosity.
To those who have been thinking about starting a practice, I encourage you to start small. Literally commit to only 2 minutes the first time, focus on your breathing. It may not be easy at first! Add a minute a day, and see how this changes the quality of your days overall. It may take a few weeks before you really start to notice benefits, so give it at least 30 days.
People used to tell me I needed to have at least 15 minutes. That was a barrier. I could not imagine how I would fit that in every day. Now I average a lot more than that. It is not always easy, and sometimes I feel “too restless” to want to do it. But those are the times I am most likely to benefit, I now realize.
Last fall I read Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain and Body (Goleman and Davidson). For a clinical researcher, I loved learning about experiments, past and present to demonstrate the value of meditation. The authors actually critique some of their early studies, the bias and the lack of proper controls. They review the field and conclude that, even with some flawed studies in the beginning, reliable science is beginning to emerge on the benefits of meditation.
If silent meditation is not your cup of tea, there are many guided meditations available at the Insight Timer app that I use. Jon Kabat Zinn has a book called Mindfulness for Beginners with some guided meditations that I really like also. Another resource that was great for me about 2 years ago when I first wanted to commit to practice was Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World.
For those of you who have a regular practice, I would love to hear how you got started. As I like to say about sleep, doing more of it is like a super-power! If only I had known when I was younger. I know now. So I will continue to encourage people to try it, and see what works for them.
**This is an edited post from January 2018. It is a relevant reminder for the workshop I have coming up on the 27th.**
I have noticed a lot of flyers in fitness centers and around bulletin boards that invite people to “become a better you.” I really dislike this slogan.
You are just fine the way you are. Right now. No exceptions. You are worthy of love, compassion and forgiveness. Just because you are human. In this moment, and always.
Are you perfect? No. Are you human? Yes. You are an imperfect human being in the process of growing and becoming, as are we all. And that is a beautiful thing.
Are there some things you wish to change about yourself? Probably. Most of us want to lose weight, make more money, become more patient, perhaps become better partners or spouses. And this is fine. But this does not mean we become “better” as people. If we cannot accept that we are fine, and worthy of love and compassion, in this moment and always, it will be much harder to grow and change.
What bothers me about this “better” you is that it implies the you RIGHT NOW is not enough. But that is never true. You are enough. You are doing your best and that is always enough. You are worthy. Always.
You will not become “better” if you lose weight. Perhaps your health will be better, and you will have less discomfort in your body and more vitality if you lose weight. Those are all worthy goals, and by all means strive for those goals if they are important to you. But you must accept yourself and who you are in this very moment to allow transformation to occur.
Does that sound paradoxical? I thought so at first when I encountered this idea. If I’m not striving and trying and working toward it, how can I be “better” at it? Certainly skills take practice, and many of us learned that working hard is the answer, or the way to riches, or even the way to God.
When you have goals that are important to you, absolutely you should work for them. Put the time in every day if you can. But realize that there is no “better” version of you that awaits. You may feel better about your skills, and you may accomplish great things. Wonderful! Congratulations!
But the YOU remains the same, lovable and worthy. Flawed and imperfect. And marvelously human, adaptable and growing all the time. If you accept all parts of yourself, the good and the bad, you begin to feel such compassion for yourself and others as well.
No person is better than another. We are all just doing our best, even if it seems like not everyone is trying. We actually are doing the best that we know. Try this belief on for a bit. When I really came to know this as true, it gave me so much peace. And ironically, my thinking and emotions evolved as I embraced this acceptance.
You are the BEST YOU right now. And that is enough. Let go of the struggle to become better. Accept who you are. Love and cherish your essence.
**The following is a post shared first on my LinkedIn page on Sunday, January 20th.**
As I write this, I am taking a break from some preparation for an upcoming workshop on “Embodying the Leader Within You” on January 27th. This has involved reviewing some of the beautiful and rich wisdom of my favorite authors, as well as reflecting on my journey in the past 2-3 years.
I realize that I have been trying to boil it all down, to distill the essence and meaning of what I have learned, so that I can share it in a way that is accessible. The “researcher” within me wants to create an annotated bibliography of all sorts of wonderful resources that have helped me see the world in new ways. But the intuitive wisdom that has become embodied in my years of practice and experience tell me to back off from that approach.
My 4-week learning circle to be offered at Tula in February is a more full attempt to capture the energy and connections I want to build between women. With more time, and with sessions that will be spread out, there will be opportunities for practice and contemplation in between. Respecting the “learning rhythm” of all participants, and recognizing that it is not just knowledge but PRACTICE that allow us to fully embody our gifts, we have more time to explore. We have time to connect with each other, to allow our energy to flow and to catalyze action for ourselves and others.
When we ask ourselves what we know, and allow ourselves to know what we know, the relevant points come to the surface. It is a little different from the logical and scholarly route I was taught throughout my academic training. Embodied knowledge is a felt sense of truth, that resonates throughout our body, with a vibration that can feel like electric current. Pretty wild, actually.
At the core of this is understanding that we are all connected, that we are all in this together. This is why connecting with others who are on a similar journey is relevant. It helps us feel and know that we are supported. It provides a safe container where we can ask powerful questions, and allow ourselves to grow in new ways.
If I can facilitate that kind of environment and create and hold space for others’ journeys, it will be a great privilege. If you want to be part of the inaugural group, please use the link below to sign up:
Many thanks for reading.
Ginger cat: Calvin.
Spreads to soak up the sunshine.